The picture just because it is cute. 

Hungry Goats & the Social Mommy Phenomenon

Blue Eyes and I went on a date to Princeton today while his daddy attended a lecture at the university.  I wore him in my frontal red papoose as we window- shopped in old town and wandered around a local orchard.  At the orchard, I read the growing season chart to him then introduced him to the farm animals and told him all about how excited he will be to chase chickens and feed goats for 10 cents a few years from now. 

I believe that fall comes early to Princeton and leaves late.  Okay not really.  But it really does seem like it.  Today, the colors are finally fading, but when Blue Eyes and I were here last week for his 2nd doctors app, the air was warmer and the colors more brilliant.  That day, we had a picnic in a park near the Europesque campus.  That was my first time to experience the social mommy phenomenon.  If you set 4 single women on 4 corners of a grassy square, the likelihood that any 2 of them (much less all 4) would strike up a random conversatoin is low... Now make that 4 women with babies. Suddenly they are destined to convene.  "How old is yours?"  "How much does he weigh?"  "Cute hat."  "How was labor?"  "Are you nursing?"  It came so naturally and did not seem odd, even up here in New Jersey where people are generally less approachable than they are in Texas. 

The Autumn Post

Nov. 10- Were I not ever picking leaves out of my 5-week-old's carriage, he'd be camouflaged within 10 minutes.  We picked a perfect day to go on a long walk and the trees picked a perfect day to shed- 65 degrees and sunny.  I sit now on a red park bench under a canopy of bright orange.  The audible breeze gently tugs leaves free and rattles the rest.  When I walk again, the peaceful sound will be joined by a pleasant crunch. 
My eyes trace the leaves from the sun-illuminated clusters above to the crowded ground below.  They seem to fall in slow motion and twinkle in the sunlight as they tumble.  My son's eyes are closed, but soon he'll be able to trace things too since he is currently learning tracking.  There will be no leaves then... maybe snow flakes. 

A few things I've learned

I've learned that when you become a mom, you also become a lighter sleeper. I typically wake up to hungry "O o-o o o"s before the crying starts. One night, however, I was particularly exhausted (not that that is rare or anything) and he reached the crying stage before I woke. When Chris nudged me, I was patting myself on the chest. Apparently I dreamt the baby was lying on my chest and I was trying to calm him down.

I've learned that when infants pass gas, they dont skip a beat. Eating- no disruption. Playing on the mat- no interruption. But this morning, while dozing off, he tooted so loud that he startled himself.

I've learned that it's not easy to clean spit up out of a little ear.

I've learned that not all "0-3 months" clothes are the same size. And that babies do not enjoy trying them on to see if they fit yet.

I've learned that making eye contact with your baby for a whole twenty minutes while he nurses is not boring at all. In fact, I enjoy it immensely. I talk to him and sing to him and pray outloud for him about his character and future.

If you give your son a bath in the sink, you run the risk of him peeing on your coffee pot.

Four sets of pajamas is not too many. Expect to wash them as fast as you can and likely change them in the middle of the night. That goes for the baby's pajamas too. (As in expect spit up on both of you).

You'll need a nail brush to clean the diaper rash cream out from under your fingernails... daily.

black-eyed pea to blue-eyed boy

I reread An Announcement today- the blog post in which I announced our pregnancy.  In the post, our 8 wk ultrasound picture was compared to a peanut, a gummy bear and a black-eyed pea.  I looked down at the month-old baby in my lap and told him that just 8 months ago he looked like a black-eyed pea.  He didn't seem as amazed as I was.  Is that not crazy?!  This "pea" transformed into a baby!  How do people not believe in God? Psalm 139:13.

On Nursing

I elected to breastfeed and though I had read stories of women who struggled with the undertaking, I did not expect to have problems myself.  Ouch!  Yes, I am having problems.  If you are not interested in my nursing experience or in the potential TMI of this post then don't read it. 

At 3:45 this morning, I emailed some experienced friends for advice through tears while clutching an icepack to my chest.  Sometime in the last 2 wks, baby and I lost the ability to nurse correctly.  He seems content, but I nightly cannot fall back asleep for up to an hour after feeding due to post-nursing pain.  I finally fell back asleep at 6am this morning then he woke again at 6:30 ready for another meal.  I started crying and asked Chris to please feed him the pumped milk from the fridge.  Chris is a sweetheart.  He got up and handled everything so I got to sleep until 10:00am. 
I responded this evening to my friends' helpful email responses:  "I was so scared today that I just pumped and bottlefed, but just now I had a surge of stubborn confidence and nursed him. I feel like I dont have enough hands to follow all these pointers correctly, but I know that I don't have very many failed attempts left in me and I really really don't want to quit this. So I enlisted Chris' help and he acted as one hand while I focused on positioning his head and widening his mouth. It worked. We got him latched on properly on both sides. Now we are done and I am not facing a followup hour of pain. I'm very excited! I think for the next few days I am going to nurse during the day and pump at night. I am just not awake enough to focus at night and cant fall back asleep due to pain once I've done it wrong. Once Baby and I are both back on track, we'll return to nursing nights. :)"  Hooray!

... but I can't say that I like it #2

You may recall when Hurricane Irene ravaged NJ pulling leaves out of our summer trees prematurely. I wrote about my love for falling leaves in autumn but unlove for them falling in summer in http://heatherpaiges.blogspot.com/2011/08/but-i-cant-say-i-like-it.html.   Now, in October, NJ has been prematurely dumped with snow. Again, I love falling snow, but "I can't say that I like it" happening in autumn! What a quirky year. Earth, get your seasons straight. 

Day 4 of

being a stay-at-home mom.  I'm struggling to find time to do the dishes much less write.  Who ever thought that such a little person could require so much work?  No wonder nanny's are so well paid.  I'm loving this new job so far!  I told Chris yesterday- well, I wasn't talking to Chris, I was talking to the baby in earshot of Chris- "I'm so glad Daddy supports me staying home with you.  (in that voice that people talk to babies in) If he didn't, I would have to get up every morning and drop you off with a stranger then go to work all day and I would just cry and cry.  I would just cry all day just like you do until I got to come pick you up." 

 We think he has Chris' brow and nose and my jaw/chin.  This is the pursed lips face.  He makes also the grumpy furrowed brow face and the Disney's baby Tarzan face from 1:16 of this video.  Of course, there is the starting to cry face and the REALLY crying face (which makes me afraid he is going to pass out from lack of air) and the "I'm calming myself down O O O O" face, which is really cute.  I will try to catch it on video. 

Here are the parents, the maternal grandparents, an auntie and the uncle.  Ah!  I'm a parent!  This is crazy.  We just needs some pictures with his paternal grandparents and aunt now.  :)

Grew

Growing

20 minutes old

Week 1

At 6lbs 12.8 oz, he did not even fit into newborn sized clothes.

Week 2

Week 3. 

When he was born, his legs did  not even extend beyond my torso when I nursed him.  Now his little legs dangle over my elbow.

Birth Story

I don't know if it was the raspberry tea, pineapple, spicy meat pizza, evening primrose oil, walking or just nature that did it, but I am glad to report that our little guy vacated the womb on his due date.  Well, technically he was born the day after, but I did go into labor at 6:00pm last Saturday in Staples. 

Aisle 12: "Chris, I feel icky.  Find me in the office chair deptartment."
The cushiest chair in the office chair dept: "I think I'm having contractions, but we can still stop by the grocery store."
Produce section: "Flip over th grocery list and start recording contraction times."
Yoplait yogurt shelf: "Oh you're 35 wks pregnant? Today is my due date...  Ya, I think I'm in labor... Well,  I'm here because we needed groceries."
Frozen foods aisle: "Okay Chris, I'm having trouble standing through this one.  Can you hold me up?"
Parking lot: "There's Suzy! Suzy, I'm 10 minutes apart!" 
Chris observed how odd it was that a woman in labor can be so giddy and energetic in one moment and silent, grimacing and doubled over in the next.

Chris and I went home with the intention of leaving for the hospital (45 min drive) once contractions were 6 to 7 minutes apart.  We ate dinner (rice and a popsicle for me), finished packing, and cleaned the apt then I bounced on a birthing ball and took a hot shower. At 11:30, contractions stopped completely.  I was so afraid it had been false labor, so I prayed, "God, please make them start again.  This is the only time in my life I could say 'I want nothing more than to be in excruciating pain right now.'"  They came back 4 minutes apart!  "God, that wasn't what I meant!"  haha.

Chris loaded up while I bounced and breathed.  The ride to the hospital never seemed so short... we were pulled over twice on the way there.  :)  One cop told us to turn on our flashers; the other tried to make small talk.  I didn't want to make small talk!  My contractions were 3 mins apart!  Chris let me squeeze his hand as hard as I wanted while he drove with the other.  "Breathe.  Breathe.  In through your nose; out through your mouth. You can do this.  You're doing good, honey."  He was so wonderfully supportive and encouraging the whole night.  Man I got a good man!

When we arrived at the hospital, I was measuring 6cm.  Thank God for giving man the brain power and resources to invent epidurals.  We waited until I was 7cm before administering it (I don't advocate them earlier than that).  Later, Chris and I laughed as we watched my monitor draw contractions peaking twice as high and lasting twice as long as those I came in with.  Wow.  As much as I don't like that dolphin hide pants feeling on my legs, I am glad I was numb.  Since I was done writhing and yelling, we hung the Texas flag on the wall then took a little nap. 

Momma Maz (our second mom) arrived at 4.  What a blessing it was to have her there!  A blessing for me to have the support of a loving friend who had been through 4 labors and a blessing for Chris to see a familiar face while his wife was wild-eyed and pushing.  I think it blessed her heart too.  At 7:30, our midwife (love midwives!) said to Chris and Momma Maz, "You two go eat breakfast .  When you get back, we'll start pushing." Ah! 

At about that time, the epidural started to wear off.  Perfect timing.  I could feel muted contractions, so I knew when to push, but wasn't in pain.  Then again, I could not feel much other than that, so I did not know which muscles to use.  After 30 more minutes of epidural attenuation, I could definitely feel the pressure.  "Ooooh.  Those muscles!"  I'll spare you gooey details and skip to

Our son came out 6 lbs 12.8 oz, 20 in long and adorable.  While I was being stitched up, I watched Chris, who had previously insisted that "all babies are ugly and come out looking like Winston Churchill," stand by the warmer with his index finger in his baby's hand telling him how beautiful he was and how much he loved him.  :)   Soon after, I held him and nursed him with Chris by my shoulder.  Hands down the happiest moment of my life.

Questions on hope, disappointment and the power of prayer

What do the "Lead Me to the Cross" lyrics that we sang on Sunday and the "Carry your cross" verses mean?  They do not mean hope for self-fulfillment.  They do not mean "I feel subconsciously entitled to have my American dream met."  Or even "I desire a husband and expect to have a healthy family w/ as many children as I want, all of whom will outlive me."  So should we not pray for such things?  Is it wrong to hope for them?  Is it wrong to be disappointed when we don't receive them?  Is it wrong to be angry at God when we are disappointed by the loss or lack of them?

If we hope for anything, we risk disappointment.  If it is wrong to be disappointed, then it is wrong to hope.  Well, I don't think it is wrong to feel disappointment.  So I cannot deduce that it is wrong to hope, but I do think we should think twice before we expect anything from the Lord.  Job said, "Should we accept good from the Lord and not trouble?"  No doubt he felt disappointment and even anger, but neither caused his faith to falter.  More over, Paul says, "We can rejoice when we run into problems and trials... for [it] strengthens our confident hope of salvation.  And this hope will not lead to disappointment."  My great hope is in the grace that Jesus' sacrifice gives me for free (even though I do not deserve it.)  But can I rightly hope also for peace, companionship and safety?  I do hope that my son is born healthy with a strong heart, vision, hearing, mental capacity and no allergies. In Scripture, God does not rebuke Abraham for hoping for a son; He answers Hannah's prayer when she pleads for a son: He listens but does not grant David's prayer to save from death his first born son to Bathsheba.  Habakuk is disappointed but at the same time, finds contentment despite his hopes not being met.  Paul calls us to contentment regardless of circumstances.  I suppose contentment does not equal the absence of hope for more.  I suppose that whether or not our hopes are disappointed depends on our deep-rooted perspective.  Do we view life as for us or for God?  If we view it as being for ourselves, when our hopes are not realized, we will be heart-broken and think that we have been wronged by God.  If we view life as being for God, when our hopes are not realized, we will be less tempted to be cynical and will not think God wronged us.

So I have answered myself these questions: Yes, I can hope; Yes, I can pray for what I hope for; Yes, I can be disappointed when I do not receive it; No, I should not let disappointment rule my faith in God.  My friend, Laura, wrote about the root of cynicism (cynicism springs from disappointment) as being "1) pride from thinking we can judge situations as we see them, rather than trusting in the unseen and 2) pride from thinking "the world is just bad" and not remembering that we are bad too, only saved by grace."  Do we presume to understand the mind of God?  Humbling, is it not?  We often pray for what we hope for.  I have observed that we do not always receive what we pray for.  So where is the power of prayer?   Absolutely, there is no power in selfish prayer, but not all unanswered prayers were selfish ones.  I understand that there is God's will and there is free will.  Raw free will seldom aligns with God's will.  I know that God is in control.  He can take full control but only chooses to control to an extent because He has given us free will.  We are all wicked, unfortunately.  Wickedness + free will = a very imperfect world that could plant in us disappointment if we let it. So when I am disappointed, I am hit with the question of "Did God, in his power, choose to do (or not do) this?  Or did God's choice to let free will be exercised by myself and others do this?"  I'd like to explore this more, but I am not ready and this post is too long, so that will be a question for another time.  Feel free to comment. 

A Day at the Orchard

We went with friends from Historic Richmond Town to Battleview Orchard near Monmouth Battlefield.  Our friend Troy, a colleague of Chris' and husband of my former colleague (funny cicle) took some fun pictures of us!  

 

Re: Email to Mrs. Masalin

Momma Maz,

Thank you!  Things are going well. I was saying to ppl at church on Sunday, "Good morning, I hope I don't see you next week!"  This is one of the only times in life it's okay to say that to someone.  haha. 
Last night, Chris and I both slept like rocks, which was good bc the night before that was terrible.  We only slept 2 hrs or so, I think.  I was thinking gosh body just go into labor already then around 2am I thought "No wait.  I haven't slept since 8am.  Body, please don't go into labor until after I have rested."
I keep hoping he'll come early, but my dad said, "Heather, you haven't been early for anything in your life.  What makes you think you'll start now?"  Neither has Chris for that matter, so our offspring will be the worst I am sure...

Love,
The hopefully soon-to-not-be-pregnant lady

Pregnancy Diaries

You know you are 9 months pregnant when you count to yourself "1-2-3" before sliding out of a restaurant booth.  Oh yes.  Counting to get up out of a low car was not strange at month 8, but now- sliding out of a booth!

You know you are 9 months pregnant when you try to time coming home with the groceries with your husbands ETA from work.  And you KNOW you are 9 months pregnant when you call your neighbor and her boyfriend to come help you carry the groceries in bc you underestimated his TA.   Thank you Whitney and Kevin. 

You know you are 9 months pregnant when your husband tries to dance with you but you turn him down.  I absolutely cannot pivot anymore.  The muscles at my leg joints are loose and sore.  Heather has never turned down being spun around.

Where I worked featured on TV show

Click the link to watch a TV episode featuring the historic village museum where I loved working this past year!  You can just watch the first minute for a great view and overview of the village or FFW through the two modern restaurants, hiking trail, and roller skating portions to shorten the show.

http://www.nyc.gov/html/nycmg/nyctvod/html/home/nine701.html

Blistex

Chris likes Blistex chapstick.  His lips really only get chapped in the winter.  It only took two years of marriage for me to associate the smell of Blistex with cold weather. 

Anticipating Summer's Pending Ending

The crisp clean cold of winter cannot be replicated by an air conditioning unit.  Nor can the toasty warmth and smell of a furnace imitate summer heat.

We have entered that brief window of the year when mornings are gloriously crisp, but afternoons are still warm and sunny.  September.  September is summer's last wish.  September is for cardigans and orchard visits and cider-spicing.  September is when the tree's finger tips turn red and Aunt Tracee's turn blue. 

I recall, in early August, when dried corn stalks and plastic pumpkins appeared in the craft store's seasonal section, I walked up to a scarecrow and demanded to know what he was doing there.  His presence should align with the end of my pregnancy and I was not ready for a baby yet!  I told him to leave, but he did not.  A month later, I am preparing to greet fall and my son.  In fact, I am eager for both.  And no longer am I eager for my son's birth merely for my poor body's sake.  I am really looking forward to meeting him!

A friend crocheted an adorable pumpkin cap for him this fall- orange with a green stem on top.  I'll wear my orange blouse and green cardigan to compliment his hat.

Pregnancy Diaries: Counting Kicks

Husband of pregnant wife: "Honey, can you move around a little less at night.  You're keeping me awake."
Pregnant wife: "Sweetie, I understand what you are saying and I love you, but let me tell you a few things.  I chew two Tums preemptively before I go to bed.  Then I give you a kiss and lay down on my left side like the doctor ordered.  5 nights out of 7, heartburn kills that option.  So I quietly stack pillows behind my shoulders to sleep sitting up.  About that time, baby wakes up (and on nights like tonight, he also gets the hiccups) so I close my eyes and pray for him and for us or think about things like "what if my water broke right now?" until he falls back asleep so that I can fall asleep.  But before I can doze off, I realize that I have to pee again, so I get up to go to the bathroom.  Before I reenter the bedroom, I consider that I am too awake at this point to fall asleep soon enough to not need to change positions repetitively and wake you, so I go to the living room to read about things like, "What would I do if my water broke right now" and other things baby or play spider solitaire.  When I feel sleepy enough, I heat a glass of milk in the microwave to make me even sleepier and fend off heartburn.  I stop by the bathroom one more time then sneak in and lay back down hoping- no praying- that baby doesn't wake back up once I'm horizontal and keep me awake another 20 minutes.  I expect to wake again around 4am to revisit the bathroom at which point, I again pray that baby does not wake up and that I can fall back asleep.  I'm so thankful you give me regular back rubs, or I'd be dealing with backache too.  Sorry hubs.  I love you... but I don't feel sorry for you."  Ha!  

Pregnancy Diaries: You know you're 9 months pregnant when...

Started my ninth month yesterday.
You know you are nine months pregnant when you try to squat to accomplish a chore, but fall down 30 seconds later.
You know you are nine month pregnant when you ask your husband to remove your toe nail polish for you.  No, don't bother repainting them.  Thank you.  Just remove it.
You know you are nine months pregnant when you drop something on the floor and wait for your husband to walk across the room to pick it up for you. 

Frickets!

Our friend, who tends to abbreviate words in unique ways, calls free tickets "frickets."  Well, Chris and I have had the perkiest week of our time in NYC so far- by that I mean a week with more perks than ever before.  See, occasionally, shows give out frickets for military members or we find opportunities to go to frevents and occasionally we seize those opportunities.  Well, I guess this week those shows knew that Chris and I needed to get a lot of dates in before this baby comes!

Saturday we got frickets to Blue Man Group (one of the weirdest experiences of my life so far); 

Sunday we went to a free Army Band concert at West Point (beautiful!  Will write about this later);

 Wednesday we got frickets in the orchestra section to Wicked! In other words, we went to see "Fricked." (this ranks in top date nights absolutely!  Oh and we had a $25 gift certificate to a nice restaurant in Greenwich Village. can it get better or cheaper than that?);

Last night, we went to the Jimmy Fallon Show, which is always free, but not always easy. http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/video/friday-september-9-2011/1354151/

Take a Guess at Where I'm Standing:

I look up from my food stand burrito to see bright yellow river taxis, jet skiers playing in the wake of the brighter orange Staten Island ferry, crazy kayakers trailing behind them, at least one helicopter at any given time, seagulls, sail boats, and even a 19th century slow moving sloop.  Behind the commotion, stand the tall wooden masts of the Old Seaport dwarfed by both the metal towers behind it and the 130-yr-old stone bridge pillars beside it.  In front of the commotion, dog walkers and baby strollers pass, tourists snap souvenir shots and sparrows bicker in my shadow waiting for fallen rice. 

Questioning My Questions

I reread my post: http://heatherpaiges.blogspot.com/2011/06/provocation-of-thought-during-prayer.html today. From where does this sense of entitlement spring? How is it that I expect a perfect life? How is it that when anything goes "wrong," I am tempted to think God is not good and I question His motives or abilities? Why? Who said I should have anything good in my life? Do I deserve it? Certainly not. His blessings of health and material needs and relationships aside, His grace is sufficient for me and I am thankful even when my circumstances seem short of perfect.

Fancy Little Smoothie

I just made the fanciest little health nut smoothie I've ever encountered: blueberries, strawberries, spinach leaves, 1/2 nectarine, banana, yogurt, 1 raw egg yolk, and a bit of milk.

I threw the leftover egg white into the skillet with a second egg to supplement my breakfast.

My midwife told me that to eat more protein. My belly is measuring at 31 wks even though I'm a 34 wks. They recommended an ultrasound to see what's going on- it could be a number of things. The one thing I can do is eat more calories. So here I go.

...but I can't say I like it.

Two of my favorite sites are leaves falling in late autumn and blossom petals falling in late spring. (I also enjoy watching rain fall and snow fall, but those occasions are far more common than the other two and therefore not so special to me). Today's site is a very rare one indeed. I'm watching leaves fall in summer.
Hurricane Irene's effects remain in effect. The rain has subsided, but strong wind gusts still cause green summer leaves to shower down like petals, rain, snow or autumn leaves. I find the site intriguing, but I cannot say that I like it. There will be fewer leaves to turn orange in October.

Hurricane Irene

Apparently sudden drops in barometric pressure often cause women to go into labor. I am glad to say that we made it through the hurricane without this effect. Little Linus is still safe inside me inside our still safe apartment right now. No grills blew through the patio doors; the power only went out temporarily; and we didn't need the candles or the emergency water jugs and chili cans. The only difference I can see from my window is that there will be fewer leaves to turn orange this fall.

(Linus is just his "fetal name." In my March ultrasound, he looked like a peanut, so my brother dubbed him Linus after the smartest member of the peanuts gang.) Chris woke up this morning excited to tell me his great new idea for a name. I felt terrible telling him that I didn't not like it- I wish I could really like a name he came up with. I wish he could really like a name I came up with too. haha. We shall see. We shall see.

Pregnant from the back?

As I left Starbucks today, a woman that had been sitting behind me for 2 hours stopped me, "When you stood up, I was shocked to see that you were expecting. You do not look pregnant from the back at all."

And I grin. :D

6 weeks to go!

Sandy Hook. And my belly.

I accompanied Chris to a First Aid/ CPR class at CG Station Sandy Hook yesterday. The class was helpful, but draining enough to warrant a nap on the beach afterward. Sandy Hook penninsula boasts the beauty of any Northeastern beach, but is quite unique in that the New York City skyline stands only miles from its northern side. For a few hours, we laid in the sun on the empty beach watching rain clouds unleash on Manhattan and Staten Island in the distance.

Then we headed to dinner at a clam hut marina. Our fried shrimp tasted great, but sadly, I can no longer eat a full portion in one sitting because there is no room in there for my stomach to expand! Whenever I eat too much, my ribs hurt from the pressure. See, look how chubby I am.

This baby is still very active, which is fun. :) He usually wakes up when I lay down at night and I lay there and feel him for 15 mins before we both fall to sleep. Whenever he doesn't wake up, I miss him.

Common Question: So, how are you feeling? (often accompanied by belly touching,

which is actually okay as long as I know the person because I am pretty touchy myself.)

Answer: Well, I am feeling pretty darn pregnant. I am not ready for him to be out yet, but I am ready for him to not be in! Yes I am excited about motherhood, but that doesn't mean I'm ready.

With many things in life, like the end of final exams or the date of a GRE or getting to a rest stop when you really have to pee on a long road trip, we comfort and motivate ourselves by saying, "OK I just have to get to that day and it will all be over. Then I can relax!" It is not so with pregnancy. The third trimester gets pretty uncomfortable, but, while there is an end date, it is not one on which " it will all be over and I can relax." When I try to give myself the motivating pep talk, it comes out "OK I just have to make it to October... then there is going to be a needy baby! Ah!" Haha.

Philly

Chris suggested that we go on a date Saturday night. So did we go local or to Manhattan? Or to Philadelphia? When we lived in Kittery, Maine, we went to Boston for dinner on a few occasions because it was only an hour away. How wonderfully spontaneous. How had we lived only 1.5 hrs from Philadelphia for a year and not gone there yet? Well, I am not bulbous enough yet to pass up a long car ride or a day (well half day) of walking around a historic city, so to Philly we went!

"The Birthplace of America" is a beautiful city. We come from good ole Texas where most buildings are two parking lots apart and few precede 1900 and fewer 1850, so living near historic districts of the 17th and 18th century has been a real treat for this history major! From duty stations to month-long classes, we have had opportunities to explore: Portsmouth, Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Charleston and Savannah. I think I have written about each of them some where in this blog. I cannot choose a favorite! Each city enchants me in a different way. There is something about old brick, repainted shutters, courtyard gates and cobble stones beneath the shade of tall trees that both eases me and makes me bounce at the same time.

Independence Hall where the Declaration and the Constitution were signed. And my chubby self in Society Hill, one of my new favorite places.

Activity of the Day:

Lay down and read a book with my apple sauce bowl sitting on my belly. And watch it move. bap bap rooole woooddaddoop bup bup.

Pregnancy Diaries:

Chris came home from work to me cooking. He plucked some food off of the underside of my belly, "Did you know that was there?"
Embarrassed, I answered, "No. I couldn't see it." and he laughed at me. But it's okay because he thinks I'm cute.

Chris heard the question from me, perhaps for the first time, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
His response: "Honey, you are fat. But I think you look cute." (followed by a hug and a kiss).

An excerpt I recommend:

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-is-a-calling-and-where-your-children-rank

"Tut tut it looks like rain."

When I open the shades on both the living room window and the breakfast room patio door, one can see straight through our apartment. And when I open the glass on both, the breeze can blow straight through too. Right now, the fresh smelling wind before a rain storm is pushing paper off the desk and spreading magazine clippings from my collage craft around the floor. I would rather clean it up later than miss the feel and smell of the wind. Besides, what else are paperweights for?

provocation of thought during prayer (personal journal entry transcribed on whether or not God is good)

These questions have weighed heavily on my mind since Levi Masalin's death and were furthered by a recent sermon by Thomas Wong, pastor at Point Community Church in North Brunswick, NJ.

Lord, I trust you. I know you do not forget us. Isaiah 40:27-28. You are living and active and intentional. I do not claim to understand you. Isaiah 55:8. And I do fear you. Psalm 40:3. Do I trust you because I have to? Because I fear the wrath of not trusting you? Because I was taught to? Because I am humbled by lack of understanding? Because I know you are good and worth trusting? Yes. How do I know you are good? Has my life been easy enough thus far for me to just think you are good because I have not personally experienced enough bad to think otherwise? Has the Bible shown me through examples that you do good for people who trust you? Romans 8:28. I almost wrote "you do good for most of the people who trust you" because many... scratch that... most of them were persecuted because they trusted you. How can you have done good for them if the good you did was not, well, good? Either you are not who you say you are or I have misconceived what "good" is.
America thinks "good" is success, health, good relationships and general well-being in our current circumstance. Is that what good is, God? Disciples and prophets were stoned, beheaded, speared and crucified because they loved you. Yet you say all things come together for the good of those who love you. That certainly does not fit into America's conception of "good." Philippians 4:11-13. Rather, you give peace beyond understanding Philippians 4:7, grace Romans 3:23-24, strength to endure trials Philippians 4:13, hope that will never disappoint Romans 5:3-5, assurance of love that never fades Romans 8:38-39 and joy abounding Psalm 28:7. Obviously, your definition of "good" is different from man's definition. Both definitions cannot be true, so which one is true or as westerners would says it, which truth do I choose to believe? I choose to believe that your good is "gooder" than our "good." If I do not choose you over concern for my circumstance, I will neither receive the "good" that I seek (for it is unattainable and unsatisfying) nor the good that you offer.
Yet many Christians go on thinking they trust you when really they only trust themselves and their pocketbooks. How many of us will only "trust" you until our American dream collapses? That is false trust. Test me God. When you permit trials and suffering, do I see it as a fulfillment of your promise to me or as an obstacle to your promise to me? Again Isaiah 40:27-28. I must demonstrate my trust in you through my actions and perspective and not fall back into a false trust. Lord, Grant me your perspective and teach me to fear you rather than fear fearing you.

Might I add that I have learned more about trusting the Lord by watching Levi Masalin's family this month than I have from any Bible story. Even after losing their son, they chose to rely on God and to trust Him and you know what? God has proven trustworthy in an undeniable way. I will never be the same. http://ledyard.patch.com/articles/their-lives-have-called-us-together#c
And truth about the good that God offers in no way negates the truth I wrote about in a prev. post: http://heatherpaiges.blogspot.com/2011/05/i-have-something-to-say.html