Sunday, June 29, 2008

over the meadow and through the woods, a board game, and red skillet.

Dad and I just went on a 2 hour motorcycle ride. We drove north over the meadow and through the woods and beside the lake and upon the hills at dusk. It was wonderful. We talked about salvation and missions and lifegoals and reasonability of life goals and about men. and about how confusing women must be. Late last night, I sat out on the front porch with a bowl of cereal and rocked in the rocking bench while I watched a spectacular, cloud-muffled thunderstorm to my left. It was lovely; i treasured the time; i felt a little lonely, so i let the dog out to sit with me. I just beat Mom and Carter's tales at Monopoly. Which is more impressive than you think because I am usually horrible at strategy games. I sauteed squash and tomatoes that my grandma brought us from her garden. Yes, I sauteed tomatoes. It was good and I felt creative. Drank red wine while i did it. Rich, Smooth, and Oaky and as relaxing as a hot bath in goats milk surrounded by cinnamon cented candles with sequoia trees shadows and a doe or two outside the quadruple paned window.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

I'm in Dallas. Sorting things out ^2. My foot is improving- MRI came back that I didn't tear those ligaments afterall. A pretty-darn-bad sprain and bone bruise. So I am still in the bigblackboot and I can walk around in it almost comfortably but still utilize the crutches for long distances. I'm heading to camp Saturday morning! El Gaupo just assigned me to the Arts and Crafts and Dance class mix, so I won't have to be juking campers or anything. I'm so glad! The thing about beinga chaos coordinator is that you dont get any-on-one time to get to know campers like counselors do, but with this activity class, I will get to be with girls everyday and get to know them a bit! I'm excited about that. So I'll pobably be in the boot for the first week or so and then i can move to the ankle brace which I'll be wearing for about four weeks. good good amen.

For now, though, I am in Dallas sorting. Oh I have a song stuck in my head. The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson. Go listen to it. Paige and Dan danced their first dance to it and it has successfully made me think. I am really pretty good at thinking on my own though. I just like songs and poems and quotes and such to prompt it.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Longing to discover what I'm longing for

I am listening to the Women's Breakaway sermon from 2007 (again- you'd think I'd learn by now) and the speaker, Christy Nockles (sp?) is amazing. She tells me all these things that I know yet do not know about myself as a woman and when I hear it I get excited and cry at the same time. I'll quote her a little bit, "As women, inside of us is this longing- an insatiable need for validation, for adoration, for affirmation, for affection, for devotion. And we are like 'Where is that coming from?!'" So True. Wow. Where is it coming from? Should I seek it out? Where should I seek it? From a man or from God? God put these longings in us. We need to look to Him to meet the God needs. Later, she quotes Stacey Eldridge's discussion about women in relationships, (author of Captivating and wife of John Eldridge, author of Wild at Heart (which I have read actually)), "Women are plagued with the lie that we are too much and not enough all at the same time." Christy elaborates, "We think, I'm too much emotionally. I'm overbearing him. I'm too much AND Oh I'm not enough for him. He must not be satisfied with me. I'm not enough."
Wow is that true or what- oh how insightful. I guess that is why I cling so much to reassuring words and am so thrown by any negative ones, because I live in this fear and taunting of this confidence-killing lie even when I do receive the most encouraging and reassuring of compliments and gestures. I feel like I am not enough- not pretty enough, not funny or creative enough, not smart enough or compitant enough- mostly not pretty enough. Then, when I get upset about a negative word or lack of a supportive one, I feel like I am overbearingly emotional and should not say how I feel because I am incapable of just being normal for once and I should pretend to be fine because if I pretend, then maybe I will be... We need to know that we are "enough" for God and let Him be enough for us. Also, I think, we need to not be so self-centered that being self-satisfied is such a high priority. (not that a loving man should not understand this about women and offer her supportive loving words, because that is what loving men should do, but if a woman depends on those words to evaluate her worth, she will NOT be fullyfulfilled.)
Christy also talked about how In life, we have desires in us that are set there by a holy God- deep deep longings- and we have hopes and dreams for things like having a fulfilled life. Christy says that "Hope diferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." I am misplacing my longings and putting them in things and persons that will never be able to fulfill them. Christy adds that, "By posturing our hearts to look to God to meet the God needs and acknowledging that He alone can meet them, we've positioned ourself for the next posture: fulfillment." I will never feel fulfilled if I keep chasing the things that I am chasing and longing for the things that I am stretching and reaching for. Psalm 38:9 "Oh Lord, All of my Longing is before you and even my sighing is not hidden from you." God sees every need, every disappointment, every hope deferred that caused us sickness, grief, or pain. We ask, Lord what are you doing with my life? Where am I going? Why have you put all these hopes and dreams in me? How do I quench this longing? I feel like I am stagnant, sitting still, and I don't know what to do with this. All my longing is before You.

Ps 107:9, Ps 145:16, Ps 38:9

If you want to listen to the sermon, make sure you listen to Women's Breakaway '07, not '08. '08 is good too, but pretty different.

Monday, June 23, 2008

I"m employed

I'm teaching US History to 11th graders at in Garland ISD/ NE Dallas.

They are the Naaman Rangers. The mascot looks like a hunter green Sarge!

First Varsity football game is August 29th!

NFHS is built on a 62.13 acre site, which backs up to a natural forest preserve on one side and can be seen through the trees from the George Bush Turnpike on the other side. Opened in 1988; 5A serving 2,521 students; actually named after a Bible character in 2 Kings 5 (An Assyrian general who is healed of leprosy). The principal is a Christian and so is the AP directly over me! He ended our phone conversatoin this morning with "Thanks and God Bless. Welcome to the Naaman family." Cool huh?

I report to work Wednesday, August 13. Not sure yet what day school starts. Whoop.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

2 Corinthians 4:18 "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Spider House Coffee, Latin, and No Sangria

9:30 AM.I'm wearing that thrift store redbird shirt and the Haworth thrift store oldman plaid authentic british driving cap. Rings, bracelets, tasseled necklace, and dangly fair trade earrings. lipstick. my hair is pinned up inside the cap like Joan of Arc and I like it. I feel like I fit in here in Austin pretty well today. Most of the people here dress and talk artsy, paint and instrumentalize artsily. I like it but the life-style that tends to be the backbone of such liberal outward appearance deters me from wanting to live here. I wouldn't mind living near here and visiting town and the hills. Anyway, I am glad I'm here now- it's an all-day-seclude-Heather-in-a-foreign-coffeeshop Latin Work Day. (I was in town for Paige's wedding) My choice workshop location is the Spider House near downtown. Old death-purple wooden house half-hidden by trees with a three tiered patio and a bounty of sweet eugene-style antiques and ridiculus yard art, those 1970s fat colored christmas lights and chairs and tables of coordinating puke colors. I am settled in booth that must have started in a 1950s diner somewhere on the second patio with my bound foot elevated on an orange puke chair. halfway done with my undercooked cinnamon roll (i like them that way) and sipping an odd but good south american herbal tea late. I'll eat lunch here too. Had I company, I'd try their sangria at twilight. Oh I would love that. What a cool atmosphere. I should make up a new adjective to describe it. any suggestions? The day is heating up, I liked it best when the air was still dewey and brisk. Now for sweaty Latin. have a nice day.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

I drew a big flower in my journal. half the petals were attached and half had been pulled off. It seems to me that the "he loves me. he loves me not. he loves me. he loves me not." petal-plucking game that girls play should be a thoughtful dream stage not a semi-annual reality sequence. I would rather heave one giant devoted breath at a dandelion to watch the one and only, first and last explosion of irreversible certainty than play a perpetual, callus-building, real-life, painful petal-plucking game.

Disney princesses: In the Little Mermaid, Ariel plays it before the Under the Sea song scene. In Beauty and the Beast, Belle sings, "I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell..." as she sends a whole patchworth of dandelion seeds flying then twirls around encompassed by them and the wind in the pink twilight. I think it is a pretty scene. I watched it today.

Last summer, I sketched a bulbous dandelion head into one of my england journals. I had been reading poetry about the Lady of Ascolot (aurthurian legend character) who was compared to a "wild rose and meadow flower." I thought, "well, that is lovely and sounds awfully romantic, but i'm not that. I am more like a dandy lion, free spirited, adventurous, and soaring." I feel connected to those.

hey did you know that the word dandelion is actually from old french, Den de lion meaning "teeth of the lion" teeth= den as in dental.

I was flipping through England journals and found this pasted in one

I didn't write this. Nick Thorn did about a year ago and he emailed it to me while i was in englad. I was pleased to come upon it so I thought I'd copy and paste it here because I dont think Nick would mind. Nick, may I quote you?

"I have this weird fascination with windshield wipers. For some reason when driving and cars have their wipers on, it makes me chuckle. While driving back from St. Louis in May, it rained all the way from Texarkana to Dallas. Watching my wipers and those of other cars got me thinking. An ideal relationship would work like a set of windshield wipers on a car. There are two things working together to get one common goal accomplished. As the wipers rise up from the bottom of the windshield, the one on the passenger side moves water to the middle of the windshield, while the drivers side wiper moves water off of the car. When the drivers' side wiper comes down, it takes the water left by the passenger wiper down to the bottom. Each wiper has it's own identity and area to work on, but they work harmoniously together to accomplish the same goal: making sure you can see the road while driving. This analogy made me think of a Venn Diagram in math (you know the one with the circles that overlap in the middle?) Well, Venn Diagrams are like a relationship. You have person A and person B. For the two to relate, they need to have some things in common, but also must maintain their individual personalities. If there is too much in common (friends, co-workers, etc...) than there is no individual traits remaining to distinguish personalities. (Also, you could relate that as one circle overlaps another, there isn't equal control in the relationship thus someone becomes a control freak and dilutes the other's personality.)

I hope these make sense, because they make sense in my head but I needed to get them out and I figured you would appreciate them. Take care and be safe in England. Say "Howdy" to the queen for me :)

God bless,

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I'd rather either blow really hard at the dandelion or put it in a vacuum and not look at it anymore. Pulling individual spores sounds less dramatic than it would be.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

apples in pasta- pretty good actually

dinner was curious like normal. I have too many apples so I mixed them into yet another dish of butter and assorted white-cheesified pasta because when you are single, you have to eat from the same packages like 5 times before you run out. good for things that don't expire fast but bad for things like sandwich making stuff (i ate the same sandwich 6 days in a row until things started expiring). Anyway the apples were pretty good in there. I lined the rim of my green Aladdin and Jasmine childhood plate like a flower with the other half of the apple, crispy and cold. pogo hopped into the living room with it, since we don't have a table here, and iced my foot while I ate and finally watched Once. i like it. A very different kind of love story; not really a love story actually; something sort of love-like with a pretty different kind of ending. No, not "A lot like Love" or "Love Actually," neither of which I have seen. "Once," Aptly named.

ligaments and tendons

news is better than bad. Detached two ligaments around my ankle bone but those don't require surgery and should heal quickly- like 2-3 weeks they will be strong enough to walk with a little ankle brace. Tendons look promising, but he is not sure because it is still so inflamed. I had nearly convinced myself that that lump in my mid-leg was a bundle of snapped tendon(s) being that I felt two pops when I fell and it looked very weird, but he guesses that it is high swelling and blood that hasn't fallen down my leg yet because i have had compression on it constantly. So it wont surgery and 6 months to recoup like i feared. Ya'll should see how purple my leg is. the edges are fading into green now, but it truly looks like the aurora borealis on my leg running from toe to heel and heel to mid-leg and even rapping around to my arch oh and my toes are speckled purple and pink and so puffy it looked like a form of elephantitis for a few days. He'll look at it again next monday... for now i am in a snazzy boot that I can push a button on and it airs up like Nike Air Jordan tennis shoes except they don't help my running and jumping. still can't put pressure on it, so I'm on crutches for a while longer. I hitch rides from wesleyites when i'm running late. this boot is too big to keep wearing my prettifying ankle bracelets- I'll have to make one. He said I should be hopeful about being able to work at camp in 3 weeks(where my job description is to run around), but I probably shouldn't be the ultimate frisbee coach. haha. no juking and probably minimal spinning and landing jitt moves with impact on feet or bouldering for that matter (I messed it by falling while bouldering) for a while-alota-quite. So i don't know if my most recent performance was my last or if I can still get in a few in August. ultimately, good news- that and i didn't climb the route the way felix does because his head is below his body at one point and falling on that is oh just a little worse than your foot right?

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Hymn 467: Trust and Obey for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.

John 2:1-12. Jesus was at this wedding in Cana and they ran out of wine. oh no. So Mary, his mom, asked Jesus to take care of it. He initially said, "Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not come." She basically ignored him and told the servants to do whatever Jesus told them to do. He told them to fill several 20-30 gallon jars with water. So "They filled them to the brim." They obeyed unquestioningly. I'd say it is comparable to God telling Noah to build a boat on dry land. Would you not say, "What? We are out of WINE, yet you want us to fill these with water...?" They did not ask such questions, they just did it. Next, Jesus told them, "Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast." So "They took it." It doesn't say that they tested the drink, sniffed or investigated it, they just "took it." I'll elaborate on this later- i want to finish the story. After the servants brought out the wine, the master asked the bridegroom why he had kept the best wine for last, usually the good wine is served first and the poor wine last after everyone has been drinking for a while. haha.
Have the obedience of a servant with unflagging faith in his master. The servants at Cana just did what Jesus said, even though it made no sense and they didn't know why they were doing it. But they didn't care, they were selfless servants made to serve, ("You are not your own. You were bought with a price." 1 Corinth. 6:20.) Then Jesus turned the jars of water into wine! Need he perform miracles for me to believe in Him? When he tells you to do something, don't just do it, fill it to the brim because your faith is so steadfast, not just halfway as if buffering a hazard. As Pine Cove workers would say, "Bump the Lamp." Read James 1 about Faith. I have another example. Acts 8:26-40. Philip was not a literal servant to a master like the jar fillers, but he obeyed the command of the Angel of the Lord like a servant. God told him to "Rise and go to [this road in this desert]" without reason or explanation. The next sentence looks like those written about the servants at Cana and about David in 1 Samuel 23: 2-5 & 9-13 and 2 Samuel 5:19-20 and 23-25. "And he rose and went." Faith. When he was on the road he came upon a chariot. The Angel of the Lord said, "Go over and join this chariot." "So Philip ran to it." He ran. He didn't tiptoe around the chariot and investigate it to see if the guy in it looked shady or unsafe. He ran; that means he went without hesitation. The man in the chariot was reading the book of Isaiah, and asked him to explain the story to him; so Philip explained Isaiah's prophesies, shared the gospel, and baptized the guy. Cool! God used Philip because Philip was willing to make himself an unquestioning servant, obeying God's commands without hesitation or any need for logical explanation; and he did not wait for further preparation. As soon as God said "go," he went. Oswald Chambers writes to us on in the Feb. 20 devo of My Utmost for His Highest, "Dreaming about things to do them properly is right, but dreaming about them when you should be doing is wrong... Always beware of giving over to mere dreaming once God has spoken. Leave Him to be the source of all your joys and dreams and delights, and go out and obey what He has said. If you are in love, you do not sit down and dream about the one you love all the time, you go and do something for her; and that is what Jesus Christ expects us to do. Dreaming after God has spoken is an indication that we do not trust Him." Philip was not his own and he did not presume to live as if he was. This is what it is to live as a servant. We have to be willing to be used in seemingly odd and often times risky ways in order to be really used. Listen, trust, and obey.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Today I had a baseball surgically implanted in my ankle.

not really. So I was attacking this V.2 bouldering route on the rock wall at approx 8:30pm... I had worked my way up about 12 or 13 feet and had just finished a cross over and a practical split to the far left. My arms and legs were spread out like a jumping jack at an upward angle with my hands on an outward sloping lower lip. I reached straight up for the second from the last hold and I touched it but my hand slipped off as I initiated the grab and well, the falling through the air part was pretty fun, but I landed and collapsed onto my left foot. It hit the edged of the mat and slipped off to the floor rolling over quitalotabit. I thought I had broken it, but hey I didn't according the rec clinic dude. I may hit up a doctor tomorrow to be safe. right now, my foot is being iced and elevated on the couch armrest. I'm sleeping here tonight. Oh and I bought some snazzy crutches. I can swing pretty far on them which I guess is pretty cool. getting up early to swing to class. yay.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

reading my blog

today i went back and read the things that i wrote about last june. i was excited. haha. particularly june 15. i wrote a little on there about me as a woman dressing up pretty and i cant decide if i am supporting or contradicting myself in what i wrote about that the other day. i think i go through stages. i'll probably write something completely different from both of those next june. i'm wearing makeup again and i think i'll wear a dress tomorrow. i get excited about the idea of wearing a dress. tehe i feel cute right now.

The Five Love Languages. I was thinking about it sitting in Poor Yoriks because thinking happens to me when I'm there

I'm doing good. I'm having fun this summer. Sometimes I run around and just live without thinking. Sometimes when I stop to think or think on accident, I think excitedly and sometimes disappointedly. I'm excited about being where I am right now and doing what I am doing right now and I am excited about whatever it is that is coming next. Wahoo. this is a portion of what I have learned so far: Relationships take careful attention and you can't just do what you want or say what you want or not say what you don't feel like saying. You have to think. Think about what the other person both needs to hear and needs to not hear. As for me, I didn't say enough. I have been thinking about this theory about five love languages. Different people give and receive love in different ways: Quality Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Touch, and Gifts. Couples really need to be able to communicate with each other about what they are thinking and feeling and what their opinions and preferences and needs are pretty consistently- as in not for a while and then coasting for a few months. Coasting/ little effort= bad results. You have to understand how the other person receives and shows affection so that you can provide what he/she needs and understand the signals that he/she is giving you. If he receives love through Words of Affirmation, then once you recognize that he is giving affection in whatever way he gives it, then you ought to verbally recognize what he has done for you as a way of giving love to him. Does that make sense or does it just sound overly sappy? I didn't give enough of that. Dana gave me some examples back in May: one of her mom's primary love languages is Words of Aff. but Dana's dad is horrible with words and does not know how to express his feelings with them at all. His love language is mostly Acts of Service. He would love Mrs. Dana's Mom by washing her car for her, fixing things around the house, cooking dinner for her, and taking care of the kids. But she would cry sometimes saying, "He never tells me I'm beautiful. He seldom tells me he loves me. I don't feel loved." But all the while he is loving her so completely and she doesn't realize it. That must be a very weird, deep level of oblivious frustration. Likewise, he potentapossiprobably doesn't feel much of her affection when she gives him affirming words, but might complain that she doesn't take care of him as much as he would like to feel taken care of. Maybe he wants her to make him cookies or something, but she doesn't feel like she is loving him by Serving him in that way even though it is really what he needs to feel loved. People need to observe and communicate to figure these things out about each other and then, once each understands how the other person communicates affection, they can love each other, well, better; And sometimes, that is going to take sacrifices like baking even though that doesn't mean the same thing to the giver as it does to the receiver, and offering Affirming words to lift the other up and make him feel big manly needed and important, also it'll help with problems like not over giving and over giving till your exhausted and feel unappreciated or taken advantage of in an area that doesn't mean to that person what it means to you. That can make you frustrated when really, they just are not receiving the love signal that you are trying so hard to give and you might get burned out. Then again, he or she needs to see that the other is giving instead of letting them feel that way. No matter what you do, when you are receiving love, you cannot let it turn into an expectation. It is hard to keep offering love when your style of giving no longer thrills or blesses the relationship.
Not that those are "words from the wise," but that is what I have been thinking about lately and I think it makes good sense.
There's a Christian book about this called "The Five Love Languages." I have only talked to people who have read it, but I think I'll read and use it later.

wesley, hip-hop, and fake rocks. nothing deep.

It's what we've all been waiting for. They finally started the road construction outside of wesley. You walk out the door and feel like you are in a prison where ever you turn because the tall wire fences surround you. But a happy prison because hey, it's wesley. The wooden pickets on the far end of the parking lot have been bulldozed to create our new asphalt entrance and you have to drive through the catholic parking lot behind the subway to get to University Left.
Hip-hop is so fun. The instructor is a Fade-to-Black guy. I cannot figure out how he moves the way he does. I really want to be able to do something at least somewhat like that. It looks like there is so much freedom within him and he can just totally express himself and whatever he is feeling. But no matter how hard I try, I will just never be black. I got the routine down and it is pretty fun, but I don't think Fade to Black would let me on the team. Haha.
I rock climbed for while-alota-quite today. They set up a 12' boulder out the rec by the pool. It is pretty sweet. No marked routes and quite a few naturals. I topped out on it twice barefooted, but I couldn't do a natural only climb. I bouldered a bit on the other wall before I left and got the guys working it to teach me some new techniques. Then they let me help them close it up, which was interesting but if anybody knows me, they know I can do few things without screwing up some small thing along the way. So, of course, I didn't tie a rope tight enough when we were taking them down and one end feel with the other one caught up top. Oops. They were nice to me about it. They'll have to lead climb to get it in the morning. I'll be up there to meet up with Stephanie again tomorrow. Think I'm taking a lead climbing clinic in a few weeks.
Carter is a sophomore in high school as of today.
I'm very tired. The last few entries have not had the words "I think" in them. I'm tired.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

I got chalk on the key board

Baty and I did legs and abs today but then I went rock climbing so I got arms and shoulders in too! I climbed with Stephanie. I like her. I think if now were two years ago and we were both her age, we would be good buds. I climbed two 5.9s and two 5.10s. There were two camo tape routes that I was working on in the cave before finals and I just couldn't get myself over the lip then, but today I got both on my first try! I mantled twice in a row and successfully utilized a heel hook. I was pretty proud of myself and am now oh so excited. I must confess that I did fall once toward the top out. Craggies are heading to the hill country to outdoor climb on Saturday. I'll be spinning in GRW 266 though for "that dirty bird" as Kyle Baily would call it. So my awesomely large trunked jetta wont be toting their bouldering pads.

I have an interview @ 2:00pm Monday with Garland ISD in NE Dallas suburbia.
And I got a job offer today from Spring ISD N Houston, but I don't think I'm going to take it. That might be a regretful move. I wish they would ask me later. But that's just how it goes. Prayer.
I want to go dancing.
My hiphop class was postponed to wednesday. sad me.
I'm going rock climbing with steph tomorrow. I found my gear. glad me.
Still working out daily. Like it alot. Baty is accompanying me tomorrow.
Spent two hours in starbucks today. Conversed with a Muslim and an unreligious guy that knows alot about alot of religions. interesting
I want to listen to a live band the next time I drink coffee. with dim lights. but I doubt I will.
I bought heavy whipping cream to try to replicate British coffee, still cant do it.
Went to wesley last night. max used me being murdered as an example in his sermon. we met in the lounge instead of the sanctuary and it made for a cozy atmosphere. live band there- i can take unbritish coffee with me there.
got an interview with Garland ISD in NE Dallas sometime next week. excited.
first test is tomorrow. ah.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

In additoin to the Identity Misplacement entry (second half of a few entries back)

Women do enjoy dressing up. We play dress up when we are little girls then run up to daddy and ask, "do I look beautiful?!" and spin in a circle so that he can watch our skirt twirl. We spend a whole day getting ready for prom and ring dance and take our time to primp before dates. We like to dress up for ourselves and for that special guy and we crave to hear that "Yes, you look gorgeous." What men need to understand about women is that we want to give that- us fixing ourselves up for him- to him as a gift, not as if meeting a requirement. And it's unrealistic to expect it daily unless they want an uptight, stressed out woman. If it becomes a requirement, then we rebel against him, because whenever we comply to the unappreciated expectation, then eventually, we don't feel like we have something else to offer him to show him that we love him AND/OR we don't feel loved so we don't have as much of an inclination to love him by offering that effort to him. The ladder is probably the bigger issue. It doesn't exactly make us happy when we don't feel like what we are on the inside is adequate for us to deserve full love regardless of how we look on the outside. I don't know if all girls are this way, and and I don't imagine that the guy that I would want to be with would want a girl that was so totally concerned about her outer appearance that she doesn't care about how he views her heart, but I want my man to look inside my heart and be amazed (Bethany Dillon song "Beautiful") and for him to truly feel (not just say what he knows that I want to hear) but truly value me for my inner beauty second to nothing. And then, when I take the time to look prettier than he already thinks I look makeupless in a baggy tshirt and sweat pants, he will treasure that time and be glad that I love him to give that to him.

I want to see the movie, Once. I've been listening to the soundtrack and it plays my style of music. You know how weird coincidences happen sometimes? I was writing the word, "Once," and Sleeping Beauty was playing on my i-Tunes and the prince sang, "I know you, I walked with you ONCE upon a dream..." at the same time that I wrote the word. I got an award at Wesley Formal ONCE for being "the most likely to marry a prince." They wrote it on a cookie cutter Christmas tree piece of construction paper. It's pinned to the top right corner of my big bright cluttered bulletin board.