So I'm single now by the way. As of two days ago, a seven month date is over.
I listened to a Breakaway sermon titled "The Gift of Singleness" while I drove to H-town yesterday and that was exceedingly helpful in steering me in the right direction. As exciting as it half-way sounds, I don't think plunging into the world of casual dating is a very wise or healthy idea and the sermon finalized that for me. Ben talked about how we can serve God as a single person in so many awesome ways that married people just cant. He referred to dating and marriage as a distraction from serving God fully because we have to monitor and cherish that person and can't up and go to Starbucks or Thailand anytime you want when you are married and much less when you have children. The first half of your life, you are intended to serve him as a single person focusing on Him, and the second half, most of us are intended to serve him alongside a spouse. Anyway,
I was sitting on the floor at Barnes and Noble today reading "When God Writes your Love Story" by the Eric and Leslie Ludy and had some nifty thoughts. Thought I'd jot em down here.
Leslie wrote about how it is important to save ourselves not only physically but emotionally for our husbands and how dating multiple guys because we feel like it damages our hearts. I would rather give my heart to Jesus for now and then offer it unblemished to my husband when it comes time for me to give it to him. Leslie quoted this admirable chick, "As for guys pursuing me for temporary relationships, my attitude is 'I'm already taken.' Until God brings my future husband along and I know it's him, I'm not available." p. 118. So I pondered that a bit. And prayed that God would repair me and prepare me between now and then for that time; and based on the damage build-up, I think my heart might need a little more time than my on-and-off-eager, lonesome human self was hoping for. So let me verify that my hope is in the Lord, my comforter and protector, and I do not need to invest in a man in order to attain joy. I don't need a series of unnecessary relationships like our culture tells us we do. Aside from the damage that it causes, it is just not a wise way to spend my time- no God's time- (Ephesians 5:15-16 "Look carefully how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of your time.") because my purpose is to further his kingdom. (Matthew 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.") I will further his kingdom and follow Him with my whole heart as one single person until the time comes (God's timing) that I can serve him better as one with someone else. And I am praying for the same thing for my husband (if he exists).
I heard someone talking once about God's people having different callings and purposes and niches in different stages of our lives. What God called me to do when I was 15 versus what he calls me to do now and what he will call me to when I am 55 are very different. He will prepare us to serve him where he wants to plant us and then he will put in us the new desire and longing to serve there and grow where we are planted each time. I realized as I read today that my calling is to be a guide and mentor for young girls! I bought the book today, not because I want to read it again, but because I want to be able to share it with the girls that I work with next year. Next year I will be teaching high school and possibly coaching too. I want to lead a group of young girls at church in Bible Study or accountability groups and be involved in their lives. I have thought about this for a while, but as I read today about the heart of a woman and about protecting it, I felt this desire to help and guide these young girls just burst within me and I leaped and bounced and danced at the thought of it! THEN I realized, hey I'm working at the 8th and 9th grade camp at Pine Cove this summer! WOW! God really has intricately, purposely and purposefully placed me there this summer and now, after he already set it up for me, I realize a bit about why. I did not go get a camp application and bubble in the jobs that I might be interested in doing. Nope. I called and told them I could come and then they called me with an assigned spot (to learn more about that process, read previous excited blog). So I am stoked. I was thinking also...I am not God and I am not skilled to understand what God has willed and God has planned (Aaron Shust haha), but
even I can see that I will be able to serve these young women so much better as a single woman, not as a married one. And so sets in the fact that I probably wont be meeting Mr. Right at Pine Cove this summer... okay. I am excited about this. This is good. A blessing. In the meantime, I am guarding my heart and letting God prepare it to love and be loved by an amazing man when the next stage of my life starts. I anticipate that it will be a while before I am repaired and prepared to start that second half of my life as a married servant of Christ. So God, help me to be content and joyful and joyfully content in my singleness until I am found by him! I know I will struggle and be lonely and tempted, but Lord help me to 1 Corinthians 10:13 like you promised and to come through strong and beautified!
Another quote from Leslie: "It's time to allow God to mold you into His likeness. As we let God have His way, we will be transformed into a princess of true purity." So I responded, "Yah! Let's Go!"