Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Creamy Wind On Cartop after more rain

Yesterday I was driving back from Humble. It was pretty much pouring in Houston; but as soon as I passed the last suburb, it subsided and the Sun was Bright! I turned off the music and started talking. It was sort of talking to myself and sortof talking to God but mostly just throwing out all these thoughts that are couped up in my mind. I talked till I was almost frustrated and getting a little loud even and decided I wanted to get off the highway for a few minutes. So I took the Prairie View A&M exit. I'd never been there so I looked around campus a bit- I really liked it- lots of pretty trees. There was an open gate to a hilly pasture behind the campus and a sort of a road/more like the grass that ppl obv drive on so I drove up in there a ways till i couldn't see the campus anymore. just a wooden fence and a barn and red cows in the distance and long bright grass on hilliness and a pond overflowing from the rainfall and one oak tree and ducks- wierd looking ducks- and butterflies and dragonflies. And crickets chirping and frogs that sounded big. And the Breeze was the Most Perfect breeze I have Ever felt! It was cool to the perfect degree, not too hot and not too cold and it felt creamy. like a soft water sideways shower (as opposed to hard water) but I didn't get wet and it smelled like summer rain. Rain is probably one of my favorite smells in the world. I had crawled out the sunroof and i was sitting on top of my jeep with my feet dangling. I noted all the things i saw and heard and felt and smelled- It was amazingly peaceful and peace-bringing. I Love it. I thought of that verse, "Be still and know that I am God." [If you have access to it, Listen to "Word of God Speak" 3:07 by MercyMe, Spoken For] In the song he talks about, "I'm finding myself at a loss for words and the funny thing is, it's okay. The last thing I need is to be heard... be still and know that your in this place..." Okay, well I didn't feel that way. I had a whole lot to say! I wanted to feel that way though. I prayed about that thing that I was praying about that I know is stressing me more than it ought to and I admitted that I was worried. He tells us not to worry- it's sort of like a command, "Don't Worry." -Matthew 6. But more like a comfort, "don't worry.." (italics kinda looks like a creamy breeze dont you think?) Matthew 6:33 says something like "Seek first my kingdom and everything else will fall into place." Simply Lovely. Okay thanks now let me install that. Geeze that is hard. I am supposed to walk by faith and rely on Him like the birds do (as talked about in ch. 6) AND I do Want To so badly. I believe he will do these things- heck I spoke a sermon about that very thing two weeks ago! Yet I still struggle to not try to look ahead and figure things out; and the fact that I Don't Know the answer sort of stresses me. But when I really think about it, I realize that I Am Really Glad that I dont Know. ANYWAY, So when I kept asking and asking the same question over and over, which is the same question I have been asking for months and I dont get the feeling I am going to have a direct anwser anytime soon, and i talked about all those things that i had to say. The response was "Stop. I'm not going to tell you. You dont even want to know. as in you want to not know right now. You will know when I want to show you and that is when you will want to know anyway. Right now, just worship me." "Seek first My Kingdom and eVERYTHING eLSE will fall into place." Okay. So I sat. quiet for a while. then i sang some songs and then i read psalm 51. i really like that one-like the middle portion. I stood up ontop of the jeep and read the verses loudly more than once. I really liked doing that. I'm not going to say that the whole thing is resolved in me. But at least I know what i am supposed to do, right? It was a dang good moment too.

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