Earlier today, when I was "returning" from York School Dept, I accidentally turned north instead of south. oops. I figured this out when i saw Nubble Lighthouse in the distance. So I figured, eh what the heck I'll just go to the light house. I spent a good hour there. That light house is on an island, so i couldn't walk right up to it. It was adorable though. I sketched it. And I climbed down the rock wall to the rocks below and found a good spot to lean back and just watch the waves fill a unfill a gulch beside me. I closed my eyes and just listened to it for a while. A seagull came up right next to me and squawked and squealed for a little while, but other than that, I couldn't see or hear anybody. I prayed and journaled a lot. About many things. About the way I look at life and time and change (I think I focus too hard on the steps instead of the big picture like someone walking by a beautiful lighthouse on the ocean and staring at their feet), about our move and our choices and the process of choosing, about my and Chris' future, about his job transition way later on down the road, and about finding a new church wherever we end up, about the foundation we are building.
I miss him a lot. I wrote the other morning, "I feel like I am on an extended vacation without a companion."
I said to Maghan a few days before, "Okay, I am done playing military. Can he come home now?" Reality sets in.