The other thing is my foot. I am having to learn how to express myself in ways other than with my body- which is interesting and slightly confining. Things are going well, I can walk and scurry in the brace now which is so good- I have to ice it 3-4x a day and I epsom salt it and do daily exercises to improve flexibility and I expire and have to elevate it within the last 5 minutes of clean up every meal- good timing. The doc said I wont be able to dance or climb until October. I found myself journaling about how I felt about it the other day and then caught myself learning a lesson. I feel like I am less exciting to the campers and my peers here because I can't jump and dance or run or play frisbee. I wrote down, I don't feel exciting enough.
Would i be more exciting if i could jump and dance? Would that make me more confident? OMG, Does my confidence come from within me?!! My confidence should come from the Lord and be IN the Lord, not myself.
Menomona (a sr counselor) said in a sermon this this week "Your identity determines your activity, your activity does not determine your identity." My identity should be in Christ and not in myself and definitely not in what I do. Well that is an incredible relief actually. I dont have to strive for that myself. And if I do choose to put that burden on myself anyway, then I am not showing Christ to those around me the way that I should. I do not want to be a woman that is that focused on myself or feels like I have to strive to maintain some "adequate" level of self confidence for the rest of my life. And I don't want to grow up to be one of those middle aged women that has overdone hair and makeup and is still upset about looking old and overly concerned with matters of the world or trying to be some sexy trophy wife thing. I want to be a peaceful spirited women filled with the Lord's contentment and joy and peace and pouring that into other people, Centered in God' s grace and truly seeing myself as that beautiful woman that God made me, not worried about my external appearance or how "exciting" i am coming off as, and supported by a man that uplifts me in those things. I am praying about this- i am far from attaining it. So camp is a blessing. and the girls that I am working with are so splendidly wonderful beautiful blessing women of God! Oh I so excite to be here! Okay I love you all. Have a wonderful week!