Thursday, May 29, 2008

So I was cleaning out my ears and I found a sequin in my right one; and identity misplacement

I found a sequin in my right ear today. Anyway, lunch experimentation today was creative. Sandwich: thin slice of honey ham, baby spinach, crisp pair slices, brie cheese on sour dough. I think it would be better on a sweeter bread, but it was pretty good-. the pear was better than just weird. Gala Apple, hard boiled-egg, pineapple orange juice and it filled me up. I signed up for Hip Hop and Latin Dance classes at the rec. exciting. I worked out again today. So I really like it: First the elliptical thingy, then to the mats to stretch every muscle I can think of, do 50 normal crunches, 20 side to sides, and a 20-second leg lift, from there weights followed by a second identical sequence of crunches, walk by the rock wall and talk to Stephanie, locker room, stink in class. I alternate days legs and abs vs. arms and back. Yep. It is funny how when you are treating your body right, it gives you a drive to do it more thoroughly- like getting a water refill instead of grabbing an 80cent Dr. Pepper on class break. working out= eating well. If you do one, then you crave doing the other. Anyway, we will see if this lasts.

Lately, I have been enjoying my cozy clothes wardrobe. Sometimes I'm creative about it, but sometimes I just wear a stinking tshirt and non matching adidas shorts with ballet shoes. It's great. Makeup has been minimal. I feel more confident in myself than I ever have honestly. It is really weird how that works. I could get into a philosphical discussion about it but I have reading today before bed. It's just- since high school, i have put a lot of value, too much value, in how I looked. I don't know if I got it from the media- i didn't read many of those silly girl magazines... or from school friends or what. But my identity was misplaced. Now I feel more secure in how I was made and in what is inside of me instead of my outward appearance. 1 samuel 16:7- "For the Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." Seeing other people in this way is certainly something I am working on; and accepting that I am worth being viewed that way too is another thing I am working on. I don't ever want to go back and I am going to make a careful point to my future daughters (if I have those) and my students in my classroom that they too are more than an object for other people to enjoy looking at (Galatians 1:10 for the Christians) and that their personality and spirituality and gifts and talents and heart totally trump anything that anyone thinks about their outer shell or choice adornment (1 peter 3- do not let your adorning be external... but let your adornment be the hidden person of your heart) and if anyone tells them otherwise, I will advise them to ignore their comments and to not make close friends with that person because that isn't friendship love. You cant be close to someone that you dont care about their opinion/ respect what they think- so if you have to tune out what they say in order to hang out with them, then I wouldn't call that much of a relationship. Perspectives can change though. I pray for that.

My Aunt Karen and Uncle Roger took me to dinner tonight. The company was great- I'm sure they thought I talked too much. I just had a lot to say. I spend a lot of time alone- too much probably. I don't quite feel lonely yet. I will spend all day with wranglers on Saturday though. Will to Love workshop! Oh I'm excited. I'm not working out to look good- I'm working out because I want to be able to up and go and do anything because I am strong with good endurance.

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