Carter's visit

My 16-yr-old brother left today.
Day one in Boston was the the most adventurous. We wondered around the historic district and into the oldest restaurant in America, theThere, we swallowed half a dozen oysters, listened to the oyster crackers jokes and drank some of the best dang lemonade that ever I've had. After that, we hiked through a lovely park and listened to some live guitarists and bongoists. Along the way, we discovered, which was called the Bull and Finch before 1982. They make really good hamburgers. We sorted through the assorted tv show paraphernalia and then wondered around the beautiful Beacon Hill for a while. It was dusk, so all the old school street lamps were glowing and the tall x skinny brownstone houses looked dreamy. THEN the funniest thing happened! Liz Gilson, my crazy college roommate texted me,
"Any chance you're in Boston?"
"...Yes."
"Any chance your just ate at Cheers?"
"...Yes."
"Okay. The girl that I brought with me to your wedding that you don't know swore she just saw you there."
"Whow. What the heck. Okay thanks."
Crazy huh? Crazy.

Day 2
Kayaking in Kennebunk. via York Beach and Ogunquit. (the york lighthouse just might be my favorite so far.) We stopped at a roadside veggie stand on the way home and grabbed some fresh cobbed corn and green beans to accompany the leftover roast for dinner. Cater said my cooking was good. Encouraging.

Day 3
Rained. Defiance is a good movie.

Day 4
Rock climbed. Woodfire Pizza. Back to Union Oyster House for more lemonade. Dropped him off at the airport. Tear.

UNH BIKE TRAIL CHRONICLES

We drove out to UNH so Chris could practice throwing the 16 lb. metal ball 180 ft like normal.Then, we decided to ride our bikes onto a pretty forest bike trail adventure. After about 20 minutes of leisure biking, we got sucked off of the main path and onto a (in my journal I drew a picture of a hilly rocky muddy rooty mosquito-ridden nontrail, but I cannot draw on the computer screen and if I did, you would still not be able to see it and my computer would be damaged.) Anyway, we got sucked off the path. After about 30 miles, we deadended into a rushing river. Chris and I decided that, since twilight was approaching and the temperature was bound to drop to 30, we would have to cross. So with the power of Hercules, Chris stacked both bikes and his weary wife on his shoulders and waded into the waist-deep white water. His feet stayed steady and we talked about spices and youtube videos as we went. We emerged safely on the other side with out noses to a 30-foot wall of granite! Chris ascended it as easily as Andre the giant did the cliffs of insanity in the Princess Bride and unloaded me and the bikes from his back at the top. To our surprise, there was a skilled Spanish swordsman waiting for us there. Chris was quite tired but he broke off the high bar from his bike and assumed battle position. The swordsman asked Chris, “What is your name?” “Christopher .” “What is your quest?” “To take my damsel safely from Mirkwood.” “What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?” Naturally, Chris asked it the swallow was African or European. As soon as Chris asked this, the Spaniard was supernaturally flung from the cliff. So Chris resautered his high bar and we rode home for dinner.

Okay so maybe the nonpath hit a stagnant, mosquito-ridden stream AND Chris carried the bikes and me across individually AND we ascended a slippery mud slope then hopped our bikes and rode home. But which story would you tell?

Hammer throwing

Ascent of Mt. Morgan and Mt. Percival

Oh Oh! We went hiking with our new friends Mark and Lindsey the on Saturday! We made a 5.5 mile loop to one summit, across a ridge, and down from the other summit. The trail was rated double diamond. Apparently that means steep path and multiple stream crossings and does not exclude 5.6 rock climbing! Yes, at about 2,000 ft, we came to a yellow arrow/sign.
“Summit by trail Right”
“Summit by cliffs Left”
OF COURSE WE CHOSE CLIFFS! By cliff they mean climb this ladder up a 30ft rock face, then squeeze through this cave and pull yourself up onto a granite slab and take in the VIEW: the white mntns all around us and Squam Lake and Lake Winnipesaukee (huge!) to the south. And then we looked to the north and saw more cliffs. haha. Our tummies told us it was time for lunch so we ate up our PBJs, fruit mix, and cheese snacks and watched a 2ft snake slither across our path-to-be (boulders). From there, we, wary of the snake, made our way to the summit. WOW! That’s all I got. Mt. Morgan was grand. Time for Mr. Percival. Have you ever walked across a mountain ridge? It is really neat. In a lot of places, the soil had eroded away and left nothing but granite. The other peek was of equal awesomeness. We perched there for a while and rested before our descent. There are some tight-squeeze- damp-n-cool-echoee-caves just below the summit. We climbed around in those for a little while and then continued down more steep boulders. I vote that it is easier to go up such routes than it is to go down, but that is arguable. You know, I thought I was a hoss, but I have to admit that the bottom of the mountain was a little further away than my body wanted it to be; it was very happy to sit down in the pizzeria booth for a slice of greasiness and bottle of soda (any calories we burned we put right back on). We ate in Meredith, NH. Meredith=adorable. After hanging out there for a little while, we watched the stars on our drive home.

Did you know that I live in the oldest town in Maine? Kittery was founded in 1617.

We rode our bikes a few miles to Kittery Point/ Fort McClary (cool place, but I'll spare you the history lesson) We parked da bikes and hiked along the cliffs from which we could see 2 lighthouses and we inspected the blockhouse fort and battery. We explored the forest and surrounding hills till we came upon a brackish lake and spotted an island close enough to wade to. So we did. We took off our new snazzy (investment) hiking boots and barefooted our way across oyster shells up the grassy bank. We sat and chatted and kissed there for a while. It was quite relaxing.
Now comes the sad part. On the wayde back from the island I stumbled and caught myself on non other than my boot holding hand. In slow motion, I watched the water spill into the tops of my boots. Ah! I have a strong dislike of wet shoes. So I continued my hike barefooted and just stepped carefully. Then opted to be a "weanie" (thanks chris) and let my very kind husband ride home by his lonesome and come get me with the truck so that I would not have to put my feet in wet socks and boots and quite possiprobably get blisters or something. I had a peaceful sit by the sea while I waited for him and he was probably happy too because he got to ride as fast as he wanted for once.

portland

The sky in Portland, ME in gray. Well, just because it was gray yesterday doesn't mean it is grey all the time, right? Actually, Lindsey Allen said it pretty much is gray all the time. Despite the brightness of the diffused light that penetrated the layer of clouds and bounced back and forth from the ground to belly of the clouds and back in all directions like a jarred grass hopper and mine and Chris' failure to bring along sunglasses, Portland was pretty neat.
We walked around the old port and drove by poet, Longfellow's house and ate at a neat Pizza Pie place and saw four light houses and scoped out the coast guard base.


The fourth lighthouse was on the shore of an island. sorry no picture. it was brown.

There are so many islands near Portland! We walked around on this fort perched on the almost highest point in portland and looked out across the bay at all the islands and ruins of island forts. The boat traffic was more trafficy than it is here in Portsmouth and the variety of boats was a little higher. Map:

Yesterday Boston. Tomorrow Portland

Boston is an hour south of Kittery. Chris and I spent the whole day there yesterday
We parked for free at the coast guard base (now doesn't that work out nicely)and walked around the North Boston historic district. This place is old.

We wondered around Faneuil Hall and the old Quincy Market then ate lunch at a really old Irish pub. It was next door to "the oldest tavern in America" but that was closed for lunch so we pubbed it instead.



We got to go on a free (military again) tour of Fenway Park where the Red Sox play. There is a lot of neat history there. Oh and we got free hotdawgs (that's me trying to pronounce it like a Bostonian).
We watched a stunt guy that Chris and I were quite sure was high climb a free standing latter in the middle of the sidewalk then juggled a bone, a bowling pin, and a stick while he balanced a spinning ball on his nose. And he dropped and egg named Gerald into a cup of water from 9 feet up. We don't know how he did that high.
We also watched Jamaican break dancer stunt men in the same area.
We walked by Paul Revere's house and a friggin old cemetary and the famous Old North Church (you know, I still have the first 3 stanzas of the poem, "The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere" memorized from the 7th grade.
Then we decided to get lost for a little while and when we found ourselves, we were at Hawvawd (Harvard in Bostonian). I think I'll go back there sometime to sit on the grass and read with coffee and feel smart. ha.

We didn't stop at Harvard though, instead we drove to MIT and walked around this giant domed neo-classical style building and took a nap on the grassy knoll in front of it. Then we watched some weird student juggle various objects and ride on semi-unicycle things. And then we self-taught ourselves some jitterbug stunts.

Tomorrow we are going to Portland!

I only get to keep him for one more week before I have to be alone for a long time.

morning walk

I decided to walk to the coffee shop this morning. I crossed the Memorial bridge at low tide. 8:15am. The white fog was still lingering over the water. I had never seen the harbor so still. I was wearing blue and white so I felt like I blended in well. As I walked, I watched a small, lopsided lobster boat creep from her barnacle laden dock. She cut through the white fog and the fog-smothered glass (water) as well as the sleepy patch of bobbing seagulls, who rose and fell in the air like bars on my radio screen at the climax of an Edvard Grieg composition. The gulls fell back bickering to the water and resumed bobbing in the lone trail of wake. The boat half-way faded in the fog, but I watched her stop to drop her first line of lobster cages. Then I walked on.

Well Chris and I got a present last night. The musical Guys and Dolls was showing at the Ogunquit Playhouse (Ogunquit is a really cool beach town in Maine- right next to a really really cool fishing village called York that has a lighthouse) Anywho, we sat down to look at the tickets online and they were $53 for the cheapest ones. Oh dang. So no go.
Well, we had plans to go to our small group leaders for dinner last night- they are such a cool people- and she calls me and says, hey my friend has these free third row center seats to Guys and Dolls TONIGHT that she is trying to get rid of. Do you want them? HAHAHA. So Chris and I had dinner at their house and then headed to the show and it was amazing! So good! So good! Whata date.

hiking in the white mountains

I hiked Mt Major with my new friend, Meghan this past weekend. I was pretty proud of my physical aptitude. I made it to the top of the (1,786 feet) mountain without having to stop at all. Some parts were relatively steep and we passed some dang good boldering spots. We ate sandwiches and fruit at the top as we looked out over Lake Winnipesaukee and the White Mountains.

I wrote a song.

Search me oh God in my thoughts and in my heart (Psalm 139:23-24)
For from the overflow of my heart my mouth speaks. (Matthew 12:34b)

Repeat

CHORUS:
Lord open my lips and open my mouth
Let it declare your praise (Psalm 51: 15)
Open my lips and open my mouth
Let it declare your praise
And search my heart and search my thoughts
For nothing I can say can be said without you. (Aaron Shust ha)

I need not rack my brain for many words of eloquence (1 Corinthians 2:1)
Nor can I ever boast or claim my own wisdom

When I'm sent to preach your name I needn't fear what I will say
You said you'd guide the tongues and lips that proclaim you. (Matthew 10:19-20 and Exodus 4:10-16)

CHORUS















When I seek out not my God my empty heart brings empty words
But when I set my thoughts on you, you speak through me.

So search me O God in my thoughts and in my heart
For from the overflow of my heart, my mouth speaks

Bridge: You speak through me>You guide my mouth>you guide my lips>you steal me mind>you fill my heart>into to my my mouth>upon my tongue>across my lips>unto your ears>into their ears>into their hearts

CHORUS

verses connecting in da brain

Oh oh read how well Job 3:3-5 connects to Hebrews 12:12-13!

Den dese go good togeder too:

Proverbs 4:25-27
Isaiah 30:21
Isaiah50: 10-11

old email to Chris from back in January when we were still dating:

To Chris Man,

Guess what. I got to talk to my boyfriend on the phone today! He's wonderful, in case you didn't know. I have already told him several times, but I absolutely adore him. I honestly never knew that a man could be so genuine and so faithful, deeply spiritual, wise, servant-hearted, and dedicated to God and to me and so caring and giving and thoughtful and chilvarous and so honest/unrepressed about telling me about himself and what he calls flaws and so excited about knowing me and so undaunted by my faults and so welcoming/nonjudgmental in hearing about them and so willing to listen to me talk (sometimes about overly detailed things). He exhibits joy, patience, peace, wisdom, humility, unselfishness, self-control, and trust-worthiness. He is a man of integrity and it makes me want to honor him. How can you put all that together and still get an incredibly funny, impressively athletic, stunnilngly masculine and good looking, and exceedingly intelligent man that wears glasses AND looks good in them? Ya- he really does exist! Who'd a thunk? AND THIS GUY LIKES ME?! Oh my Lord, really? I can't believe this. I really think I might fall over.

From Heather Lady

(we hadn't said the word love yet)

my amazing husband

Chris is so sweet. I had praise band practice last night and he got home from rugby about an hour before I did. And he did all he dishes and cleaned the kitchen and swept! And he moved some boxes and metal stuff to the attic.
That and he is extremely good looking.
I got back and he was standing in the bed of his truck without a shirt on and he looked at me like he loved me and he said he missed me too much and pulled me up to him and hugged me a tight sweaty rugby hug. (polysendeton)
Last week he brought me beautiful yellow and purple field flowers!

-the beloved Mrs.

alliteration d revisited

dainty dandelions disperse dallying dandiness.
and dimpled dumplings are dolloped onto doorknobs.
this disturbs dazed daydreamers and disappoints disillusioned deists.
what a dumb waste of dimpled dandy dumplings.

the yellow kayak

We rented a sea kayak! How adventuresome we are.
After church, it was a little rainy and foggy and cold but we threw on sweatshirts and took the kayak out anyway for a grand self-guided tour of tributaries and coves all the way to old downtown, by the shipyard and back. Oh wow- it was so peaceful. It makes you want a waterproof panoramic camera even though you know you couldn’t capture the experience- the crispness of the air matched with the thickness of the mist in your lungs and the taste of the salt and the stickiness in your hair- You’re practically in the water, just dry with an oar in your hand, a still mist sits over the waters only occasionally pierced by the most graceful white crane; colorful wooden houses line the shore to the distant left and heavy woods sit still to the right. You pass 30 yr old lobster boats and a series of old, crooked docks with their barnacle-covered posts and dangling buoys revealed in low tide. Everything is quiet except for the fish that just jumped on your left.
I can’t believe I am here.

Before that, we had put in in the brackish waters of the inner bay/ mouth of the river and wondered under a bridge and to a little island that ended up having an intriguing history. The island had been used as a midway point on an 18th century highway bridge. We found the foundations of a toll booth and an inn in which George Washington once stayed. We also randomly found a geocache under a rock. There’s an old church downtown that George Washington once attended, still rings a bell that was recast by Paul Revere, has the oldest working organ in America, and displays one of only four copies of a particular Bible. The house next door to it has a lighting rod that was fixed there by Benjamin Franklin.

Watching fireworks over the sea from the boat

Tonight Chris and I watched an orangypinkpomegranate sunset from the flight deck of his boat and then doubly enjoyed the Portsmouth fireworks display. I say “doubly” becausewe watched it in both the sky and the reflection on the bay. GRAND! Oh so grand. What a horizon we have to look at here. From the deck, 9:00 is the pier, 12:00 is the entrance to the harbor, 2:00 is the old Portsmouth skyline which includes a high white steeple of a 17th century church, red brick white trimmed buildings that back up into the water, 3:30 is the drawbridges green from weathering (it was build in the 1930s as a memorial to the soldiers of WWI- of course it just says “World War” on it since it was constructed before the second one. Interesting.), 4:00 is our house although you can’t quite see if from the boat and 6:00 begins the naval shipyard. Chris was on duty today so I spent most of my afternoon on the boat with him. I love just hanging out with him. Hehe- after the grand finale, all the little boats around tooted their horns, so Chris and I ran up and blew our horn too! The biggest ship in the harbor= the loudest and deepest horn. It was quite funny.

I asked Levis if they had July 4th in France. He answered no and I laughed at him till he figured it out. I’m mean.

Oh! For the fourth, we drove down to Connecticut to visit the Masalin fam.
Friday we went to Ocean Beach on Long Island Sound. What a pretty beach. Ha- Chris and I are pretty cheap, so we didn’t want to pay stinking $14 to park. So, we just parked a couple miles away and hopped a fence, crossed a meadow, climbed some rocks, waded through an inlet, crossed a beach, climbed over more rocks, snuck over another fence till we got to our friends to eat cheap hotdowgs and play sand volleyball. To get back to the car for the dinner feast, we opted to sneak back over the fence and wade across a stream where young men were crabbing with nets- there were big ole crabs everywhere! Running over our feet while we walked with our shirts pulled up and my bag over my head- then we crossed a bigger meadow and walked along a road to cut across another meadow until we got to a bigger road which we followed to our car. Ha. We felt adventurous and well-exercised.
It was a weekend of feasting (and cooking), volley ball, bad mitten, and extensive wifle ball playing, go-carting, chasing small childrening, napping, and of course, jitterbugging on a several-acre retired farm. Oh what fun. The weather was ideal and land was so green and the hotdogs were cooked just perfectly and the ice cream really hit the spot. What a down home, country, lovin’ family of welcoming and stinkin’ hilarious people. Chris and I had a wonderful time.

Oh I forgot to tell you that we went contra dancing. Ya. It was interesting. Have you seen Pride and Prejudice or another movie set in that era? Well, contra dancing is much like what they do in the first scene. Except we did it to a merry live band of fiddles, a base, a banjo, a piano and surely something else too oh my. Hehe. I didn’t dance with Chris the whole time. I would get spun and swung by other random men- most of them old and bearded and even suspendered! Oh it was so funny. They were so adorable and it was weird to touch them. Usually you just look at old people and don’t touch them. But I danced with a fair share of old guys the other night. We may go again sometime. They dance give lessons in Dover City Hall every other Thursday.

I discovered "light cream" at this coffee shop. My dream just came true! No seriously, I have been looking for a cream that tastes like this since I left glorious England in 2007. I haven't been able to find one with the same creamy sweetness and resolved that it did not exist in the US. Alas, it does here at my coffee shop in Maine. Glee.

Girl Wakes Up to Light House Horn Instead of Train Whistles

It is wierd. My family moved 9 times and I think 7 of those 9 homes where next to RR tracks. I can sleep through train whistles better than anyone I am quite sure. But now I wake up to- what is this? A light house horn?! And I am growing accustomed to hearing boat whistles throughout the day. That and the siren that means the bridge next to my house is raising or lowering to let a boat pass under. Guys, my house is right on the harbor! I can see it through the trees from the front yard and the back! Delight. I have never experienced anything like this before.
Yesterday, a sweet sweet and quite funny lady from church took me out for fish and chips and beach strolling. It was wonderful! And we drove up and down the coast and just talked about life and faith and New England weather. Tonight, Chris and I are going down to Hampton beach to see the sand sculptures and then we are going to an outdoor musical at Prescott Park! It is a grassy theater on Strawbery Bank, the old part of town where the 400 year-old house/museums are! It is called Strawbery Bank because of all the wild strawberries that grew there, why they misspell it, I don't know. Anyway, we are taking a picnic basket and sitting on a blanket to watch Grease! Wait, I don't have a basket- maybe it'll be a shopping bag. I have a pot shortage wihch is super fun for cooking. I have a small skillet for eggs and one piece of meat at a time and I have one pot. So I have a system now: make the pasta while cooking the meat, strain pasta and store in collinder (try to keep warm by keeping in microwave), quickly clean pot, add and cook beans... haha. not bad.

So, cooking hasn't been as big of a nightmare as I feared it would be. I married a big man and he eats a lot of food. ha and he has complimented me so far.
Dinner 1: LemonGarlic Chicken with greens and penne pasta
Dinner 2: Chicken Fried Steak, mashed potatoes, corn
Lunch: Left over chicken- grilled and tossed with lettuce, croutons, and ranch dressing (from a packet, not a bottle =way better) served with red grapes and apple slices
Dinner 3: Sliders! mini cheeseburgers and tots! So fun oh so fun.
Lovely Laura made me an AMAZING cook book!! It is amazing and it is homemade and it is beautiful and it makes me very happy and she is beautiful and she brings me much joy and i love her. It will arrive here on monday with the Uhaul trailor and it will be splendidly helpful.
This man is amazing. He is so giving. He thinks of me first and that makes me feel so good. Dang, how did I snag this one?
Now for grocery shopping. Coupons! bye.

Merry Old Maine where it is 40 degrees cooler than it is in Texas.

Yeah, I'm wearing a sweater. So right now I am sitting in a coffee shop called "Breaking New Grounds" in Market Square of downtown Portsmouth. oh wow, you would love this town. I walked across this bridge from which i could see things like this and this . Then I walked by things like this and this . Right now, out the bay window in which I am sitting, I see this and this .

This place is incredible. It is so old. For a girl who has grown up in big, spread-out, and relatively new Texas almost all her life, a 400 year old town with streets and allies that were designed for horse&buggies and taverns with low creakey rafter ceilings and doorways that require ducking to get through (well, I don't have to duck, but normal height people do) and so many bicycles is a big change. My house is 100 years old. I was surprised at myself- when I stepped into the house on Saturday evening, I almost immediately started crying. Actually being here and realzing that I am not leaving this time was a little shocking and overwhelming. He held me a while and then told me to put on a pretty dress that he had given me and took me out to a nice dinner down town. Sunday, got up for church this morning. I love his church. I'm super excited about going there- it is so service oriented and people stayed for like an hour talking after church- hah I think I heard once that you can tell the health of a church by how long it takes people to go home. I'm surprised- there are actually alot of people here our age. That is nice.


The honeymoon was amazing! Perfect. exhausting but perfect. The Gaylord was super nice and he was so sweet to me. In the morning, he got this huge roomservice breakfast and ate it in our complimentary robes on the balcony. hehe. In Memphis, we went to the is fabulous live music joint on old, birth-fo-the-blues Beale Street and listened to some blues music from an cute old man band. This hilarious rickity old black singer led the band. He wore a suit and sunglasses even though it was a dark bar. haha. He would get out a tamberine every once in a while and shake his whole body with it and tell silly silly stories while the big bald base player picked in the background.
Day two, we drove through northern alabama where it is much hillier than you think. Day three was absolutely the best day ever-- okay so we get up in the morning at this splendid bed and breakfast on a 100 acre farm and the the British host makes us a lovely meal and then asks with his British accent. "Would you like to ride the horses?" Yes. haha. So- we were shocked- he just introduces us to Chili and Rooster and says "be back in an hour and be sure to close the gate." OKAY! haha so Chris and I went riding through some woods, around a chicken coup, and across gorgeous rolling hills covered in yellow flowers and we ran! Our hourses must have been giddy- so they just wanted to canter and canter and we didn't mind. (we both worked in horse barns growing up so we knew what we were doing- ha.) it was so amazing. I never expected him to just let us go out like that. THEN!!! we left the farm and drove to two 25 foot waterfalls. (i'll post pics later) and cliff jumped off like 20 ft cliffs next to the falls and we swam all around there in and through the canyon. wowowowow! Whoda thunk that was in Alabama? not me.

Yea so then we headed to Charleston SC and that was really romantic and we went to the beach in the rain and now one was there but us and we danced and watched a lightning storm. And then ate a pretty dinner in pretty downtown.
After that, we drove up the Blue Ridge parkway, a beautiful winding road across the ridges of the appalachians and then to DC where we met up with his best man and that made for a nice break. we explored the city and some museums and then made our way to Philidelphia then to HERE! Whoop.

Oh my wedding was so beautiful! I am going to post pictures of the wedding later too!! When people asked me, I said, "This is the most beautiful wedding that I have ever been to AND IT IS MINE!" Wow. Oh I love it. Post comments- I have a fear of loneliness. Heather

Little Trip

Chris had a portcall in Virginia last weekend so he flew me up. In the meantime, my students watched The Hunt for Red October- excellent movie- Sir. Sean Connery played a Russian with a Scottish accent; that's okay because it was still a really good movie.
We went to Colonial Williamsburg



I wish we had taken pictures. We both brought cameras, but didn't take any pics. We walked up and down the street amongst cheese shops and bookshops and taverns. Colonial Williamsburg is the old capitol of VA and still looks the way it did int he 18th century. The employees walk around in colonial garb and speak with old school accents; there is a blacksmith, silversmith, cobbler, weaver, milliner, printer and binder, tailor, cooper, wheelwright, and a gunsmith. It was so green and there were lovely gardens with smell-good herbs and flowers. Chris rebought me a ring therethat I had lost. It is silver and says "vos et nul autre" on the band, which means "you and no other." I love him so much.
Oh and we jitterbugged on the beach!

haha. He picked this one up on the first try. I thought we were going to do another prep and he lifted me right over his head and held me there. I love it! Oh I'm so happy. This is so perfect.
Sunday, we went to Busch Gardens theme park and rode rollercoasters and ate turkey legs and got soaked enough for our toes to get pruny.



Ya that blue ride^ It was fun. ha. He had never had a Turkey leg before, but I wanted one. So we asked around to find where they sold them and he bought one for me. We sat down. He tasted it. Pretty promptly, he got up and went and got his own. I think he liked it. ha. We called our beautiful mothers to tell them Happy Mother's Day and stayed till the park closed.
We got in really late to the base and I dropped him off at the boat at stinkin 5am before I hopped my plane.

Chris and Heather

I know this is a little late in coming. With the super-busy first year of teaching, I have been out of the swing of blogging.

The not-quite-so-new-news-that-you-may-already-know is that I am engaged to the most wonderful man that I have ever met. I know, crazy, you meet the man of you dreams and he likes you back. How often does that happen?












Yes he is a Texan. He is in the Coast Guard and is currently stationed in Maine. He is an amazing man of faith; He is pretty much a hoss; he's incredibly smart; and he is stinkin hilarious.



Here's the dang quick run down:

We met in December at a wedding (I was a bridesmaid).
He took me dancing two weeks later.
He took me to lunch the next day.
He invited me to New York for New Years. I went.
He held my hand in Times Square, asked me to be his girl at Bryans, and kissed me at the airport.
We spent his January sea patrol emailing and realizing that we are meant for each other.
He surprise-visited me in Dallas and told me he loved me.
I visited him in Maine mid-February and he accidentally proposed.
I went back to Maine and we went duplex hunting. Found one.
Now we are getting married June 12 here in Dallas and then making a honeymoon out of driving my jetta to our new home in Maine.

That's 6 months from meet to marriage. 2 months of dating.
4 month engagement.

He goes out to sea again in August so be expecting a lot of blogging bout Maine life.

TOMS SHOES

http://www.tomsshoes.com/content.asp?tid=284

love, God, and marriage. (notice which one is capitalized)

On the plane coming back from a great snowboarding spring break and finding a cute duplex in Maine, I was thinking about the sermon from the Ledyard church we attended and I was reviewing his 09-10 schedule (Chris will be out to sea for half of our first year) and wrote this in my journal.
"Soon I shall be his wife. I will be a strong wife. confident, courageous, sturdy, and unafraid. Loneliness will not intimidate me. It will be an opportunity. And when my darling comes home, I will be there for him to offer him the love and tenderness and encouragement and support and entertainment that he needs. I will be his wife. He will be my stronghold, my cornerstone. Christ will be our foundation. I messily sketched our marriage as little a solid structure with Christ as the foundation, me as the support and Chris as the roof and cornerstone between my columns. I will encourage him, I will not complain to or about him, i will not mock him or bring him down. I will not lie to or deceive him, I will be fully straightforward and honest with a love for Christ above us both and farthest above myself.

I had thought a lot about John 14 "Ask for anything IN MY NAME and I will give it." I wont go into the workings of the secong part of that sentence, but just that first part- what does "in His name" mean? It is not a phrase to tag onto a prayer. It is a life style. when I take my new name, it is not just something we say at the wedding or a new signature to practice, it is a lifestyle. Lord make me IN YOUR NAME. Oh God, I love you. You first loved me. The pastor was right this morning. You cannot talk about oneness in marriage until you talk (for a really long time (ha)) about oneness with God. I am longing to be "in Chris' name." I am going to take his name onto myself. When I relinquish myself and my own will and desire- like the Jone's binder says, I am letting my name go and also my pride and selfcenteredness and ambition.
The pastor also said this morning that, like with God, once I let go of myself (which I do not claim to have sufficiently done), it is not like my joy becomes irrelevant. It will be considered and cared for by the one whose name I take. Just as we, together, have taken Christ's name and Christ cares about our joy, I will take Chris's name and Chris will care for my joy. Sidenote: Christopher means "Christ bearer." I will bear the name of the bearer of Christ's name. Mr. and Mrs. Christopher- selfless as individuals for each other and selfless as a couple for God. Yes, I know that is not fully attainable. But the Jones to us to accept reality while still striving for the ideal.
Jesus is very concerned with our personal joy and fulfillment. When we give ourselves to Him and let Him care for us instead of looking after these concerns ourselves (aka sin), he will do so and the results will be far better than our own sillyface ideas. As I look to Chris, Chris will look to Christ (not that I am not also looking to Christ, because I am) and our marriage will make His joy complete and fulfill His purposes and He will in turn make our joy complete and we will be fulfilled with and by Him. John 15:11. I know that Chris is not perfect and I am so imperfect; the Jones said that we must recognize that two imperfect people cannot make a perfect marriage- it needs focus and reliance on God. And even as we aim to rely on God (the ideal), we still have to understand that that perfection, though it is possible and will be remarkable at times, is not realistically going to be the case all the time. I know.

Bring what into the light?

I was listening to my ipod on an airplane from Maine to Dallas. Jennifer Knapp's song, "Martyrs and Thieves" is such a true and honest and humble song. I typed the lyrics at the bottom of this blog.

It made me think about several verses and a deep meaning that would have to be deep rooted in a persons subconscious being in order for it to displayed in their life. Ephesians 5:11 says, "for one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true,)... Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but INSTEAD EXPOSE THEM. For it is shameful even to speak of the things they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light." Okay that is deep and confusing. Expose your sins?! That is scarily humbling. Once again, humbling ourselves= glorifying God- hence Jennifer's chorus... "turn on the light and reveal all the glory. I am not afraid (of being embarrassed and a known sinner) to reveal all my weakness." Revealing it/ exposing it/ letting people see that we are imperfect/ letting down our pride= this "lets His light shine bright in our lives"? hm... So we Christians are to bear all our weakness to glorify God. The showing off of His grace ads to His glory. If I do not reveal my failure, I falsely glorify myself and the example of living grace is not revealed. It is like saying Christ died for nothing (Gal. 2:21); it empties the cross of its power (1 Corinthians 1:17). Therefore I will boast all the more in my weaknesses! (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). We know and must announce, instead of hiding it like many churchgoers do, that while we strive to follow his commandments and he makes us holy and blameless and righteous, we are not holy on our own. It is by God's glorious grace ALONE! Declare your weakness from the rooftops. "My grace is sufficient for you. For my power is made perfect in weakness" -2 Cor. 12. "We must become less; He must become greater" -John 3:30. So "turn on the light and reveal all the glory I am not afraid to uncover my weakness..."


John 3:19-21 talks more about those who fear exposure. "This is the verdict. Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light lest his deeds should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it mah be clearly sen that his deeds have been carried out by God."

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time
In the absence of martyrs there's a presence of thieves
Who only want to rob you blind
They steal away any sense of peace
Though I'm a king I'm a king on my knees
And I know they are wrong when they say I am strong
As the darkness covers me

Chorus-

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh I... am, I...

There are ghosts from my past who've owned more of my soul
Than I thought I had given away
They linger in closets and under my bed
And in pictures less proudly displayed
A great fool in my life I have been
Have squandered till pallid and thin
Hung my head in shame and refused to take blame
For the darkness I know I've let win

(Chorus)

Can you hear me? (repeat 6x)

Well I've never been much for the baring of soul
In the presence of any man
I'd rather keep to myself all safe and secure
In the arms of a sinner I am
Could it be that my worth should depend
By the crimson stained grace on a hand
And like a lamp on a hill Lord I pray in Your will
To reveal all of You that I can

(Chorus)

Thought...=Destiny

This is a cool quote about it. It's a chain reaction:

Sow a thought, reap an action.
sow an action, reap a habit.
sow a habit, reap a character.
sow a character, reap a destiny.
-Samuel Smiles

And I thought, so, Shakespeare's Macbeth actually taught us something. Macbeth let the THOUGHT of killing the King turn into an ACTION, then the act of killing people became a HABIT and he killed lots of people, then he grew a destructive (and self-destructive) CHARACTER which inevitably brought his bloody DESTINY. Of course this is a little extreme but it also applies to other things like drugs, alcoholism, pornography, and smaller things like gossip and laziness.

I worked backwards. 1) My Destiny: I want to have a DESTINY where God says, "Well done good and faithful servant." Matthew 25. Not "Dang, I wish you had chosen to live a little differently." 2) So in order to have that DESTINY, I need to have the CHARACTER of a godly woman. 3) In order for me to be a godly woman, I really need to have good HABITS. 4) If I want to have good HABITS, then obviously, I need to make the decision daily to ACT in a way worthy of Christ. 5) Each ACTION sprouts from the admittance of a THOUGHT. So the goal is to "hold every THOUGHT captive." 2 Corinthians 10:5 and Philippians 4:8. We have the ability to choose what we think about and it is on that choice that our destiny hangs.

Back to Matthew 25, after He says, "Well done good and faithful servant", he says, "You have been faithful over a few things, now I will put you over many things." One of the "few things" that He first puts us in charge of is our own self-control and if we are faithful with that little thing, then He will put us over greater things like mentorship or mission work or whatever He has planned for each us. If we can not prove faithful with something small and personal like that, then why would He put us over His flock? We have to prove faithful with the little things He gives us now so that He will trust us to give us bigger roles in furthering His kingdom later. It is impossible to be perfect all the time. We are human and He wouldn't give us forgiveness if He didn't know that. Still it is good to bare in mind that He has instructed us to be faithful. So we try. Jesus says, "If you love me, you will follow my commandments." So not following Him is straighout saying, I dont love you more than myself and I don't trust you that you can satisfy me fully. When we take our pleasure into our own hands, we must be breaking God's heart. He is a jealous God and that is something to be jealous of. (read 1 John 2)
I want to grow to my full potential for God so that He can use me without the disruption of selfish sin NOW OR LATER/ LATER THEREFORE NOW with the chain reaciton thing.
In order to be who He wants you to be later, you have to choose what you THINK now. "Hold every thought captive."

Galatians 6:7-9
"Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eiternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up."

Copy. Paste. Note about men and women to Chris. What are ya'll thoughts? Men? Women?

"Yes, I am about to go to bed. yay. What I said earlier about what I've learned from talking with other women, particularly with married women, is that men like to fix things- if there is something wrong, they want to make it better and get rid of the problem. Well that makes sense doesn't it- ha. Well, women, unfortunately don't make sense- and there is a common misunderstanding that often drives both genders crazy. that is that alot of the time, women would rather voice their feelings and troubles and then just be comforted than actually fix what's troubling them. I know- no sense. I hear it makes men a little crazy and that it also makes women a little crazy because they don't feel like they are being listened to. now, I think that you listen really well- thank you for that. I almost laughed at myself tonight when I discovered that what those women had said was true. As you tried to tell me ways that I could ameliorate the problem, I found myself a little annoyed because apparently (i think this was happening in my subconscious) i was not telling you in hopes that it would go away- i just wanted to talk about it. I really do appreciate you wanting to take care of me and wanting to help make hard things easier. So I am far from asking you not to do that (not that i think that you would anyway because that response is just as natural to you as talking about flippineverything that passes through my head is to me.) I think that if I were with you tonight instead of on the phone, it would have been one of those times that I would cry and then want to be hugged and you’d end up getting your shirt wet for bout 10 minutes and then once I was done crying on you, I would get over it and get my stuff done. Haha. Okay Chris- I just thought that we would be able to communicate better in the future if we better understood how the other communicates. Haha. When you help me while I’m upset, I know that that translates into “I love you and I want to take care of you” and I hope that you know that me coming to you for comfort when I am upset and need an ear translates into “I love you and I need you to take care of me" as well. What are your thoughts?

Watching the History Channel

How did the Greeks and Romans cut rock and build obilisques 3x taller than the statue of liberty? How did they transport thousands of tons of stone hundreds of miles from quarries to construction sites (there are temples in Italy that have stones from 5 different locations around Africa and Spain!) Archeologists are not sure how they built them. They say the entire parthenon was built within ten years. They say that their cutting and placing was so detailed and precise that it is really better than what we have now. there is evidence of ancient cranes scattered all over the world. I wonder what our world would be like if the knowledge and technology of the antiquity had not been lost. Thank goodness things like writing and reading were not lost during the dark ages- thanks to monks mostly! Too bad the library at Alexandria burned down. But most of the population was illiterate and ideas and technologies were forgotten in western Europe after Rome fell to barbarians around 420 AD. The next industrial revolution did not come until late 1700s. Strange that the East kept its Science and math and literature and technology- they went from when they began in 3000BC to now with little interuption whereby the West lost everything for several generations and then, after 1/3 of the people died in the black plague, they high speed started back up and surpassed the rest of the world and now everywhere else has "westernized" themselves. I guess we managed to steal a lot from them. The romans stole their ideas from the greeks who stole form the phoenicians who stole from the pre-arabians. When western europe stole ship ideas from old norse/viking technology, they saw that other parts of the world have better prettier tastier things than they had and began trading. (well, the trade routes were what brought the bubonic plague so that part happened before it) It was the bubonic plague that changed the west's attitude and opened up more jobs for peasants who were eager to work their way up to by being entrepeneurs. This attitude comprised the roots of our capitalistic system and that is what made us westerners industrialize so darn fast and that is what has kept us ahead of other countries and that makes it even more unfortunate that we are turning socialist. Marx said it would happen now it is. :b. These arheologists are arguing that they may have had stone cutting mechanical saws. Geeze. And they may have had mass-producing workshops. They are arguing that they used waterwheels and cranks. They had already created Iron by then, they could have def used iron saws. wow. Water power was reinvented in England in the 19th century. lost technology. Steel came along in the 1800s and made us able to build the structures taht we build now. I am just curoius about how things would be different now if we had continued out technological advance from 420 on instead of restarting. I wonder if we would pollute less or abuse our resources just as much?
Christianity grew during the dark ages when everything else, particularly selfish ambition, was less attainable. Faith decreased around the time of the Rennaissance and Industrial Revolution. I am glad that Christianity grew and spread- I wonder if God arranged things purposely to establish the Catholic church as such a permanent world leader. It is sad, but more people come to God when life sucks than they do when htings are progessing. A man on an airplane told me once that the only reason christianity was so big in the dark ages was because kings and governments used it to keep the masses down. in convincing them that there was a conditional afterlife to work toward, then they would not complain or rebel as much one earth. And that they used it as an excuse to start wars. What do you think about that? I like Romans 1:8 and 16:24-26 better. Oh and Romans 1:15-18 "15It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. 16The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. 17The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.[a] 18But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice."

That was fun to type. I didn't expect to do that. Thanks or reading.

I painted a picture. Yes, I am 23.

Josh Turner Song

Oh the longer the waiting, the sweeter the kiss
It's better my darlin, I promise you this.
Next time I hold you I'm not letting go.
Will you wait for it darlin? I need to know.

Well you know I'm a sailor and tomorrow we sail.
It's hard way of livin, but i know it well.
And if I surrender my life to the sea
You can marry another; it's alright with me.

Though we won't be together again till the spring,
Just imagine the treasures I'll bring.

Come lay with me, stay with me, soon I'll be gone.
I will remember you all winter long.
And when I return to the one that I miss
Oh the longer the waiting, the sweeter the kiss
The sweeter the kiss

When the mornings are warm and the valleys are green,
I'll come back from wherever I've been.
Oh the longer the waiting the sweeter the kiss
It's better my darlin, I promise you this
The next time I hold you I'm not letting go.
I will give up the ocean forever I know.
Forever I know

Fruit of the Spirit

During the sermon last week, I was jotting a note about patience. I asked the Lord for more of it. Then I wondered, what is it? So I tried to define it, but really couldn't. Then I started thinking about the fruit of the spirit listed in Galatians 5:22 and what they are and aren't. Here's sorta what I came up with for some of them:



Love. If the primary person you care for and tend to and live for is yourself, then you have not love. Philippians 2

Joy. If your "joy" is in how happy you are dependent on your circumstances and how effectively you "love" loving yourself, then you have not joy. James 1:2

Peace. If you put your "peace" in your comfy pillow-seat of a life instead of in carrying your cross with stripes on your back toward death, then you have not peace. Matt Lantz

Patience. If you take comfort in certainty rather than in being uncertain about everything but the faithfulness of God, then you have not patience. Oswald Chambers p.120

Self-Control. If you continue to chase your desires and live self-servingly and are unconcerned with the choices that God wants you to make and do not painfully self-sacrificingly strive to tame your body, then you are not self-controlled. 1 Cor 9:24-27

Conversations on Creationism

Okay this is going to be a shuffled recollection of what I learned in the last few hours. I just got back from a 3 1/2 hour session intended to prove intelligent design. Three speakers (I am not going to spell all their names right)- all science scholars: Steven Myers from Cambridge and author of "Signature in the Cell", Ray Bellinsky from France and author of "The Devil's Delusion" (rebuttal to Richard Dawkin's "The God Delusion"), and Mike Behe, an American who faces issues like to those presented in "Expelled"- a documentary-movie made by Ben Stein about professors being fired over believing in intelligent design and author of "Darwin's Black Box." They talked about biology and the nanomachines inside our cells, about the anthropic fine-tuning of physics, about astronomy, and mouse trap analogies.... Wow. God was taken out of scientific arguments first by a french astronomer named Pierre la Place during Napoleon's reign and it went on from there through Darwin to Freud. With the help of the break down of the catholic churches dominion over Europe, it was easy for this theologyless scientific transition to take place. When Darwin wrote "the origin of the species, his purpose was not even to disprove God because he did not see that as necessary. And people these days think it is strange that he did not really address the "origin" of a species, but just the evolution of an existing one. At that time, they were not concerned with the "beginning" many scriptural texts had slipt out consideration and trust and the fact that many cultures had started their foundation texts with "in the beginning" statements was of little concern. It was not until the mid1940s that this "beginning" argument rearose and it threw many scientists, including Einstein for a loop. One day, while looking through his gigantic telescope in Southern California, Hubble discovered galaxies. This shocked and humbled mankind because we realized that we were smaller than we thought we were. ha. Anyway, as he looked at the numerous galaxies which we had previously known only as random burning balls of gas only, he noticed that many had a red colored light glow. I do not know much about light or how it travels, but apparently light that is receding or moving away from you is received as a red light. (I just decided to believe him- if it weren't true, it would not have concerned world renowned scientists)- The implication here is that the galaxies are slowly moving away from eachother/ our universe is gradually and constantly expanding. That, of course, implies that it, at some point, was closer together and even together which implies a beginning. Ah! Einstein flew all the way there to see it for himself and tried to fiddle with math to disprove it, but couldn't. Since then the argument on "how did life start?" has been a prominent one. One of the scholars wrote a book called "Darwin's black box" in it he claims that if Darwin knew the things that we know now about nanomechanics within cells (which he only knew as jelly blobs when he was writing), he probably would not have made some of the claims that he made. Watson and Crick discovered the double helix/DNA strand (btw Watson and Crick went to Gonville and Cauis which is the same school i attended at Cambridge- there was a giant double helix on one of our stained glass windows int he dining hall) post-darwin and our modern understanding of just what goes on with all the crazy mitochondrial whatnot and protein interaction would have affected his theories. The complexity of the cell just is not something that could arise by chance or necessity but demands a creator. I would try to describe a few of the micro pictures they showed us, but I don't remember any of the terminology- one that unzips a string of proteins has flagella that acts a propeller attached to a diallmagillyrotatingpollthing that attaches to a legit motor. Could this have realistically evolved from something simpler? The idea of cow going back into the ocean and becoming a whale is like converting a 1968 comaro into a nuclear submarine. There are too many technical changes that would need to take place and the likelihood that that would occur without a designer is well, unlikely. The adjustments simply could not have been made without an intelligent adjuster. It would take some crazy smart engineers to transform that camaro. In one protein strand alone, there are 10^105 possible combinations (whatever that means), but there have only been about 10^16 second since the universe began (according to geologists and Hubble-studying astronomers). That is not enough time for all those combinations to evolve by chance- that's more than one change a second- evolution supposedly went from ooze to eyeballs and reproductive systems over generations and generations. Darwinists, since the discovery of the DNA strand and inner workings of cells, write about to the "appearance of design" but not about "design" as a viable reason for it's complexity. As the prof said, "that is called denial" haha. He also said, "In the west, atheism is the default position for the uninformed/ those who have not informed themselves. It is not historical and it is not analytical and it is not even scientific because science is supposed to follow the evidence whereever it leads and when evidence leads to design, they still deny it." Darwinists lack of an answer for an origin of evolution is a "significant hole where there should be something substantial." Atheists authors like Richard Dawkins say that the argument is an "religiously motivated plot to kill evolution." Many compare theological views to old fables like "How the tiger got its stripes", "how the rhino got its horn", or "how the bacteria got it flagellum" haha (flagellum is the whiplike tail the propelles the bacteria). One more thing- the mouse trap- back to the evolution of the whale thing. Dr Behe wrote in his book as an analogy that a mousetraps could not function and in that case exist (if there were natural selection for mousetraps) in any form other than in which they are. If you took away one of its five parts (which would have to be done when backtracking through evolution) then it wouldn't work or survive. A man came back at him and made this whole website proving that he could infact make a mouse trap with 5, 4, 3, 2, and even 1 part and have it still function as a mousetrap! And he drew diagrams and explained how on the site. Well, Dr. Behe- said that's great, but did not that man's intelligence lend a hand to the changes of the mouse trap? In fact, for each recreation of the mousetrap that the man provided, there were multiple differences that would have to be in place and that came out the 10^[something big] combinations. All of which, since they were so great and so far between and since the mousetrap would have been unable to function and died out during any DNA transitional periods, could not possibly have been made without the intelligence of the diagram drawer/ designer. Int he case of living things, that woudl be God. I don't know if I explained that analogy very well, but it made sense when he told it. Well, that became a book didn't it. geeze.

Life goes by one step at a time. Is my left foot in the right spot? Yes. It is. Where do I put my right one in June?

What am I doing? What could I be doing? There are so many options and I feel like I am choosing the path of less excitement. Not of the least excitement, because I don't think that any teacher could ever say that. But I want to travel. Why am I not teacher in Denver? Why am I not in Africa? Why am I not in England? Why am I not a tour guide or something so that I could travel? I'm a going-on-23 single woman living in the suburbs of the same state that I have almost always lived in. Don't get me wrong, I love Texas. And if I go, I doubt I wont be back. But I have wanted to go for a long time. Is now the time or do I ignore it. If I ignore it, how long will I regret it? If I grant it heed, then where do I start?
Decision. Prayer.

Sara Groves vs. Britney Spears. Rd the entry below the one below this. "Beauty is fleeting... but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Prv.31

TOMS Shoes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqrFG7xrE1I

heather

needs affirmation again.

I am slightly shocked and deeply frustrated. I watched a britney spears music video. Tis true, I haven't done that before- i don't watch MTV and I never look at celebrity or secular music info on the web. Crazy that I have sheltered myself like that- being 22 and all. When the song ended, I got this wierd adrenaline rush sensation of both sex-drive and pain of feeling like I have to compete with that. I admit that I almost liked the initial feeling for a moment, but it was drowned out pretty quickly by the feeling of inadequacy. Why does she get to steal men's attention? Does my future husband watch stuff like that now? Does he expect that of me? Does part of him not want to be bound to me because he doesn't get to indulge in stuff like that? Does watching it have the same effect on him of happypain and does it keep dragging him back for more and does his pain keep building up and is his perspective of women skewed? What about my brother? What about my students? What about my girl students that must feel what I feel even stronger if they have even less of the wisdom that "mature-me" obviously doesn't have enough of. Is there a man out there that wants me, just me, and not in a studio with hairdye, fake tan, makeup, expensive lighting, airbrush, and oil and being a part of that 2% of the population that happens to be in the body that producers would stick in the stupid uglyhead studio anyway? Is there a man out there that wants me, just me and doesnt want to go to those videos and images of skanky, confused and probably deeply troubled women to supplement his what-ever-the-heck it is that worldly men want? My first inclination was to call some boy that I know thinks that I am pretty and get some words of affirmation from him. I didn't. First, I know deep in me, that I should get my affirmation from the Lord, not from the eyes of a man- especially from one to whom I am not married. Which leads me to the second reason, I didn't think that the call would benefit the guy's faith walk or focus. So I prayed for my husband and for myself and for a few of the boys that I thought to call. And after I prayed for myself, I had a whole nother train of thoughts flow into me. I thought of a music video that I saw the other day by Sara Groves. It's called "I saw what I saw" if you wanna youtube it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSdP6PqsbJY. She's a woman of noble character serving the Lord- in modest attire might I add. And I rerealized- actually rererererealized that a woman like this one is so much more beautiful than an oil-covered one who puts her value in the multitudes of masculine attention. God thinks so AND the husband that I just prayed for is going to think so! I am a treasure! And I get to choose what I am going to treasure and it is not my physical appeal to men.
"Where my treasure is, my heart will be also" (Bible).
"What I treasure will be what I chase after" (Ben Stuart).
Backtrack-what I treasure will surely be a result of what I think about and my mind will be filled with the visuals that enter my eyes and with the words, affirming or not, that enter my ears. Read Philippians 4:8. And as those thoughts flow into my heart and become my treasure, I will chase them- and it is at that what-am-i-going-to-fill-up-with/chase after decision point that some girls burden themselves and hurt themselves. I am reassured that the noble-charactered woman is both more beautiful and more confident than sex idols. My treasure is in the Lord and in what the Lord treasures and I am a pure gift to my husband and I hope and pray that he treasures me above those fake things on a computer screen. Oh I'm so excited! I just need to be reminded.
watch Casting Crowns "Slow Fade" too. After you read Philippians 4:8. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGHILmOHptY

I'm in Abilene with Grandmother and family

Grandmother was moved to hospice today. She is too tired to open her eyes or talk, but I can tell by her facial expressions that she can hear us. I sat and sang to her for a long time. It is strange that barely a month ago, we were walking around her house and flipping through catalogues together. She has three children: Dad, Tim, Thad, and Tracee. I've been watching the sons together. I don't know what to say about it, just that I am watching it. Katie, Carter, and I stood with her for a while, quiet and teary, I don't really know what to say about that either. I read a poem to her that I found- it reminded me of her as soon as I heard it. I'll type it. It is kindof long; it's about John 15- "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

"Tis only a little branch, a thing so fragile and weak;
But that little branch have a message true to give could it only speak.
I'm only a little branch; I live by life not mine.
For the sap that flows through my tendrils small is the life blood of the vine.
No power, indeed, have I, the fruit of myself to bear,
But since I'm part of the living vine, it's fruitfulness I share.
O, dost thou ask how I abide- how this life I can maintain?
It's easy, I'm bound to the vine by life's strong band and I only need remain.
Where first my life was given in the spot where I am set,
Upborn and upheld as the days go by by the stem which bears me yet.
I fear not the days to come or dwell not upon the past,
As moment by moment, I draw life which forever more shall last.
See I bask in the sun's bright beams, which sweetness fills my fruit,
Yet I own not the clusters hanging there for they all come from the root.
A life which is not my own but another's life in me,
This, this is the message the branch would speak, a message to thee and me.
O struggle not to abide nor labor to bring forth fruit,
But let Jesus unite thee to Himself as the vine branch to the root.
So simple, so deep, so strong that union with Him shall be,
His life shall ever replace thine own and His love shall flow through thee.
For His spirit's fruit is love and love shall thy life become.
And forever more on His heart of love shall my spirit have her home.
-Freda H.

So I read that to her and sang her some songs and talked about something I had told her before (below) and told her I was proud of her.
2 Tim 1:5 "I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also."
Last year, I painted this verse for her and added that she is like Lois who had a firm foundation in Christ and taught her faith to children who taught it to their families and now, because of her foundation in Christ, a whole family trusts the Lord and other lives have been touched because of it.

Katie and I painted her nails today. They are pretty-pink and so are mine. We went back by the house tonight and while Dad was busy, I played in her vanity and closet. I tried on her jewelry- her engagement ring and some earrings and a pearl necklace and put on her lipstick and perfume and tried on her shoes.

Heather is living in a surprised state. I'm just surprised that I am surprised about what I am surprised about. It feels good in a wierd and unexpected way.

Anyway, have you ever played your ipod while driving by charging it through your laptop computer which you plugged into a converter because it needs to be charged too and sticking that in the cigarette lighter? It was like having company in the passenger seat.

Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me; once was lost but now am found; was blind but b/c of me am still having trouble seeing

Prov 13:12

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

Christ is to be my longing. If I let Him, then He will fulfill His promises and thus fill me. And when I am that tree of life with hope in the Lord, I will be abiding in Him and my branches will become fruit-bearing. Those branches will not be thrown into the fire. When I produce fruit, I will add to His joy and He will add to mine. How Alive that feels- ("Life is Christ, everythingelse is just living.") I don't know why I haven't been chasing it since Pine Cove.

John 15:4-"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."

And apart from me you feel nothing. You are dead eventhough you are alive, like a cabbage is to a ball of string and a cat is to literature or arithmatic. You may have blood in your veins instead of chlorophyl and you may even comprehend arithmatic, but you are unresponsive to God, whom you were made to interact with. Your tree exists like a skeleton lacking the blooms that it was created to make. John 15:6 "If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned." 1 Corinthians 3:15 "If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames." This fruit production and much more the life of your branches, is not something that we can attain through effort. We do not hold our breath and push till our ears pop as if that would make the apples pop out. A tree doesn't make its fruit by its own efforts; He brings forth the blooms. Matt. 6:30 "If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, will he not much more clothe you?"

Eph. 5:15 "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."
"The Deeper the Roots the Higher the Reach."-that is on a framed poster on the wall in a Starbucks bathroom in Ennis, TX. Deepen your roots in the Lord by abiding in Him and your tree of life will grow higher and reach farther to others who need your help and need Him. Those century-tree like branches will be bursting with fresh smelling fruit! "The LORD smelled the pleasing aroma." Genesis 8:21. And 2 Corinthians 2:15 says, "For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing."