More "a little late" pictures from Week 1

Birth Story Photos (a little late)

Our new little family has come home to Texas to see the grandparents for Christmas.  I found these pictures here on my mom's computer.  Click for the birth story and here for the story behind the flag. 

I'm in Texas

I had Dublin Dr. Pepper and BBQ for lunch then chili cooked in Shiner Bock beer for dinner.  Today was a good day. 

List of Truths

Here is an abridged list of descriptions of God's people from scripture.  Scripture is true; these words are true for people who belong to God; you belong to God; these words are true for you.  Click on the word for a Bible verse or a song.  YOU ARE: His child, worth more than many sparrows, known, one who longs, not abandoned, a conqueror, protected, unafraid, courageous, armed, sustained, forgiven, saved, loved, healed, a new creation, a dancer, undignified, His delight, spotless, unashamed, not accused, not sorrowful, free, heard, comforted, renewed, strong, not troubled, joyful, eternal, created, being transformed, clay, a sinner and righteous, tempted, sympathized with, prayed for by Jesus, a recipient of foot-washing, ransomed, His friend, an heir, a servant, a temple, a branch, sheep, a lamp, like a star, a runner, His handiwork, blessed, covered, satisfied, and sent.

Old lyrics. New meaning.

Have you ever watched a movie that you hadn't seen since childhood and realized how completely you had misunderstood the plot.  I have done that several times.  I did it also with the pledge of allegiance.  "And to the republic for which it stands..."  I remember the day I realized that we were not saying "witch," but "which."  I seriously pictured a witch on a broomstick every time I said the pledge in grade school. 

I listened to "O Come O Come Emmanuel" today, a song I grew up reading from a hymnal.  I knew the words, but did not know my vocabulary.  "O come O come Emmanuel and ransom captive Israel."  Wow.  That is beautiful.  God's people were held captive by sin (as in Lamentations 1:5), but he loved us so much that he sent his son as a ransom to free us and gather us back to Himself!  Not just the Jews, but the gentiles too.  Romans 6.  "Rejoice! Rejoice!  Emmanuel shall come to thee O Israel."  Repeat. 

He :)ed

Blue Eye's eyes are still blue. I half expect them to turn Brown in the next few months because his eyes have not yet fully developed.  He did, however, pass one development milestone last week! He smiled a joyful little smile!  Here he is :)ing, but he also :Ds big open mouthed smiles that I just cant catch on camera. When I do, I'll post it because it is just too cute. 
When your child makes eye contact with you then smiles at you, it is such an amazing feeling!  Oh I was made for this. 

We are so blessed to have such a happy baby. Even before he smiled, he was generally content and bright eyed.  His face did a few times form an expression much like a smile. My guess is that the smiling muscles were already in place but the feeling of emotions such as joy had not yet set in. Now they have, undoubtably. Man, we love this kid.

Family Holiday Traditions

I love traditions.  To the point that I yearly wear my red socks when I decorate the Christmas tree while listening to Bing Crosby.  (Sidenote: I recommend the Christmas Swing Station on Pandora.com.)  I have been pondering traditions to start in our new little family. 

For instance, on Easter Sunday morning, we'll dye three batches of pancake batter different bright colors with food dye and have a big colorful pancake breakfast!  Thanks Abby Knorr for the idea and the photos.  Now I need a tradition to commemorate the sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus when he washed away our sins by his grace.  Let me know if you think of one. 

For Christmas, I already have plenty of secular traditions that I hold dear and plan to continue, but I was specifically pondering a tradition for remembering the "reason for the season" = the birth of Jesus Christ.  We will set out a little nativity scene in a prominant spot in our home and place advent candles in the center of our table.  Every evening, we will light them (adding one each week) and read the Christmas story divided into short segments then discuss during dinner.  Since we'll blow the candles out nightly, the children will also draw a picture of the candles on butcher paper to hang on the wall.  Each Sunday they will color in one flame so that even when our candles are blown out, they are still burning. 

The night we light the last candle will call for a big celebration of some sort- I need to figure that one out. 
Maybe that can be when we do our most important Christmas tradition: choosing Jesus's birthday present.  As the kids get older, we will let them be creative with this one and come up with their own ideas, but at first we'll use a resource like World Vision to donate a farm animal to a family or school supplies to students or money toward a clean well for a village.  Thank you Zilas and Nussbaumers for this idea! 

 

A tradition such as this will not only help families in need as God has commanded us to do, but it will teach our children to joyfully help others.  You may ask, How is giving a gift to a random stranger giving a present to Jesus?  Jesus says himself in Matthew 25: 34-40 "...whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." 

Economic Growth and Just Growth

When this little guy was born his whole body was the length of the width of my torso- when I nursed him, his toes touched my side.  That is no longer the case (because he's longer.  padoomchang).  His torso is now the length of the width of my torso. That's because he eats so well.  He's a gulper and there is no shortage of food to him. 

I am a factory. And I am currently overproducing; that is, my supply exceeds his demand. Were he paying me for my milk, I would have to drive my price down... see my customer base is very small. Then I'd likely go out of business and he would have to switch to a different company (formula-makers) via a middle man (retailers) which have a much bigger customer base and can drive their prices up to meet demand. Lucky for both of us, I offer my product for free and will not go out of business.
Although overproduction is a bit of an annoyance for me, I prefer it over the Mastitis and the clog and the fear of the thrush in his mouth that I dealt with in the last two weeks.

I'm pretty proud of myself

So this is an excellent workout.  I get to work out and spend time with my little boy at the same time.  :)  Baby is in the harness for the lower body moves, but for upper abs, back and arms, he's out.  The great thing about my "weights" being a baby is that as I get stronger he gets heavier.  Excellent synchronization... that is if I do it regularly.  Feel free to hold me accountable.

permanent. then again.

The permanency of death is hard for me to comprehend.  It feels more like an abstract concept than an irreparable fact. 

It's been 6 months since Levi died and my impulse feeling is- this should all be over by now.  Okay, we're ready for a respite.  Can he come back now?  No.  He can't.  And not not yet.  Not ever.  This is permanent. 

Instead his gravestone was erected last month. 

http://heatherpaiges.blogspot.com/search?q=levi

Nov. 26 Revision:
Death is not so permanent.  We have hope that we will see him again in heaven- life is eternal, not ending.   Thank you Jesus.

The picture just because it is cute. 

Hungry Goats & the Social Mommy Phenomenon

Blue Eyes and I went on a date to Princeton today while his daddy attended a lecture at the university.  I wore him in my frontal red papoose as we window- shopped in old town and wandered around a local orchard.  At the orchard, I read the growing season chart to him then introduced him to the farm animals and told him all about how excited he will be to chase chickens and feed goats for 10 cents a few years from now. 

I believe that fall comes early to Princeton and leaves late.  Okay not really.  But it really does seem like it.  Today, the colors are finally fading, but when Blue Eyes and I were here last week for his 2nd doctors app, the air was warmer and the colors more brilliant.  That day, we had a picnic in a park near the Europesque campus.  That was my first time to experience the social mommy phenomenon.  If you set 4 single women on 4 corners of a grassy square, the likelihood that any 2 of them (much less all 4) would strike up a random conversatoin is low... Now make that 4 women with babies. Suddenly they are destined to convene.  "How old is yours?"  "How much does he weigh?"  "Cute hat."  "How was labor?"  "Are you nursing?"  It came so naturally and did not seem odd, even up here in New Jersey where people are generally less approachable than they are in Texas. 

The Autumn Post

Nov. 10- Were I not ever picking leaves out of my 5-week-old's carriage, he'd be camouflaged within 10 minutes.  We picked a perfect day to go on a long walk and the trees picked a perfect day to shed- 65 degrees and sunny.  I sit now on a red park bench under a canopy of bright orange.  The audible breeze gently tugs leaves free and rattles the rest.  When I walk again, the peaceful sound will be joined by a pleasant crunch. 
My eyes trace the leaves from the sun-illuminated clusters above to the crowded ground below.  They seem to fall in slow motion and twinkle in the sunlight as they tumble.  My son's eyes are closed, but soon he'll be able to trace things too since he is currently learning tracking.  There will be no leaves then... maybe snow flakes. 

A few things I've learned

I've learned that when you become a mom, you also become a lighter sleeper. I typically wake up to hungry "O o-o o o"s before the crying starts. One night, however, I was particularly exhausted (not that that is rare or anything) and he reached the crying stage before I woke. When Chris nudged me, I was patting myself on the chest. Apparently I dreamt the baby was lying on my chest and I was trying to calm him down.

I've learned that when infants pass gas, they dont skip a beat. Eating- no disruption. Playing on the mat- no interruption. But this morning, while dozing off, he tooted so loud that he startled himself.

I've learned that it's not easy to clean spit up out of a little ear.

I've learned that not all "0-3 months" clothes are the same size. And that babies do not enjoy trying them on to see if they fit yet.

I've learned that making eye contact with your baby for a whole twenty minutes while he nurses is not boring at all. In fact, I enjoy it immensely. I talk to him and sing to him and pray outloud for him about his character and future.

If you give your son a bath in the sink, you run the risk of him peeing on your coffee pot.

Four sets of pajamas is not too many. Expect to wash them as fast as you can and likely change them in the middle of the night. That goes for the baby's pajamas too. (As in expect spit up on both of you).

You'll need a nail brush to clean the diaper rash cream out from under your fingernails... daily.

black-eyed pea to blue-eyed boy

I reread An Announcement today- the blog post in which I announced our pregnancy.  In the post, our 8 wk ultrasound picture was compared to a peanut, a gummy bear and a black-eyed pea.  I looked down at the month-old baby in my lap and told him that just 8 months ago he looked like a black-eyed pea.  He didn't seem as amazed as I was.  Is that not crazy?!  This "pea" transformed into a baby!  How do people not believe in God? Psalm 139:13.

On Nursing

I elected to breastfeed and though I had read stories of women who struggled with the undertaking, I did not expect to have problems myself.  Ouch!  Yes, I am having problems.  If you are not interested in my nursing experience or in the potential TMI of this post then don't read it. 

At 3:45 this morning, I emailed some experienced friends for advice through tears while clutching an icepack to my chest.  Sometime in the last 2 wks, baby and I lost the ability to nurse correctly.  He seems content, but I nightly cannot fall back asleep for up to an hour after feeding due to post-nursing pain.  I finally fell back asleep at 6am this morning then he woke again at 6:30 ready for another meal.  I started crying and asked Chris to please feed him the pumped milk from the fridge.  Chris is a sweetheart.  He got up and handled everything so I got to sleep until 10:00am. 
I responded this evening to my friends' helpful email responses:  "I was so scared today that I just pumped and bottlefed, but just now I had a surge of stubborn confidence and nursed him. I feel like I dont have enough hands to follow all these pointers correctly, but I know that I don't have very many failed attempts left in me and I really really don't want to quit this. So I enlisted Chris' help and he acted as one hand while I focused on positioning his head and widening his mouth. It worked. We got him latched on properly on both sides. Now we are done and I am not facing a followup hour of pain. I'm very excited! I think for the next few days I am going to nurse during the day and pump at night. I am just not awake enough to focus at night and cant fall back asleep due to pain once I've done it wrong. Once Baby and I are both back on track, we'll return to nursing nights. :)"  Hooray!

... but I can't say that I like it #2

You may recall when Hurricane Irene ravaged NJ pulling leaves out of our summer trees prematurely. I wrote about my love for falling leaves in autumn but unlove for them falling in summer in http://heatherpaiges.blogspot.com/2011/08/but-i-cant-say-i-like-it.html.   Now, in October, NJ has been prematurely dumped with snow. Again, I love falling snow, but "I can't say that I like it" happening in autumn! What a quirky year. Earth, get your seasons straight. 

Day 4 of

being a stay-at-home mom.  I'm struggling to find time to do the dishes much less write.  Who ever thought that such a little person could require so much work?  No wonder nanny's are so well paid.  I'm loving this new job so far!  I told Chris yesterday- well, I wasn't talking to Chris, I was talking to the baby in earshot of Chris- "I'm so glad Daddy supports me staying home with you.  (in that voice that people talk to babies in) If he didn't, I would have to get up every morning and drop you off with a stranger then go to work all day and I would just cry and cry.  I would just cry all day just like you do until I got to come pick you up." 

 We think he has Chris' brow and nose and my jaw/chin.  This is the pursed lips face.  He makes also the grumpy furrowed brow face and the Disney's baby Tarzan face from 1:16 of this video.  Of course, there is the starting to cry face and the REALLY crying face (which makes me afraid he is going to pass out from lack of air) and the "I'm calming myself down O O O O" face, which is really cute.  I will try to catch it on video. 

Here are the parents, the maternal grandparents, an auntie and the uncle.  Ah!  I'm a parent!  This is crazy.  We just needs some pictures with his paternal grandparents and aunt now.  :)

Grew

Growing

20 minutes old

Week 1

At 6lbs 12.8 oz, he did not even fit into newborn sized clothes.

Week 2

Week 3. 

When he was born, his legs did  not even extend beyond my torso when I nursed him.  Now his little legs dangle over my elbow.

Birth Story

I don't know if it was the raspberry tea, pineapple, spicy meat pizza, evening primrose oil, walking or just nature that did it, but I am glad to report that our little guy vacated the womb on his due date.  Well, technically he was born the day after, but I did go into labor at 6:00pm last Saturday in Staples. 

Aisle 12: "Chris, I feel icky.  Find me in the office chair deptartment."
The cushiest chair in the office chair dept: "I think I'm having contractions, but we can still stop by the grocery store."
Produce section: "Flip over th grocery list and start recording contraction times."
Yoplait yogurt shelf: "Oh you're 35 wks pregnant? Today is my due date...  Ya, I think I'm in labor... Well,  I'm here because we needed groceries."
Frozen foods aisle: "Okay Chris, I'm having trouble standing through this one.  Can you hold me up?"
Parking lot: "There's Suzy! Suzy, I'm 10 minutes apart!" 
Chris observed how odd it was that a woman in labor can be so giddy and energetic in one moment and silent, grimacing and doubled over in the next.

Chris and I went home with the intention of leaving for the hospital (45 min drive) once contractions were 6 to 7 minutes apart.  We ate dinner (rice and a popsicle for me), finished packing, and cleaned the apt then I bounced on a birthing ball and took a hot shower. At 11:30, contractions stopped completely.  I was so afraid it had been false labor, so I prayed, "God, please make them start again.  This is the only time in my life I could say 'I want nothing more than to be in excruciating pain right now.'"  They came back 4 minutes apart!  "God, that wasn't what I meant!"  haha.

Chris loaded up while I bounced and breathed.  The ride to the hospital never seemed so short... we were pulled over twice on the way there.  :)  One cop told us to turn on our flashers; the other tried to make small talk.  I didn't want to make small talk!  My contractions were 3 mins apart!  Chris let me squeeze his hand as hard as I wanted while he drove with the other.  "Breathe.  Breathe.  In through your nose; out through your mouth. You can do this.  You're doing good, honey."  He was so wonderfully supportive and encouraging the whole night.  Man I got a good man!

When we arrived at the hospital, I was measuring 6cm.  Thank God for giving man the brain power and resources to invent epidurals.  We waited until I was 7cm before administering it (I don't advocate them earlier than that).  Later, Chris and I laughed as we watched my monitor draw contractions peaking twice as high and lasting twice as long as those I came in with.  Wow.  As much as I don't like that dolphin hide pants feeling on my legs, I am glad I was numb.  Since I was done writhing and yelling, we hung the Texas flag on the wall then took a little nap. 

Momma Maz (our second mom) arrived at 4.  What a blessing it was to have her there!  A blessing for me to have the support of a loving friend who had been through 4 labors and a blessing for Chris to see a familiar face while his wife was wild-eyed and pushing.  I think it blessed her heart too.  At 7:30, our midwife (love midwives!) said to Chris and Momma Maz, "You two go eat breakfast .  When you get back, we'll start pushing." Ah! 

At about that time, the epidural started to wear off.  Perfect timing.  I could feel muted contractions, so I knew when to push, but wasn't in pain.  Then again, I could not feel much other than that, so I did not know which muscles to use.  After 30 more minutes of epidural attenuation, I could definitely feel the pressure.  "Ooooh.  Those muscles!"  I'll spare you gooey details and skip to

Our son came out 6 lbs 12.8 oz, 20 in long and adorable.  While I was being stitched up, I watched Chris, who had previously insisted that "all babies are ugly and come out looking like Winston Churchill," stand by the warmer with his index finger in his baby's hand telling him how beautiful he was and how much he loved him.  :)   Soon after, I held him and nursed him with Chris by my shoulder.  Hands down the happiest moment of my life.

Questions on hope, disappointment and the power of prayer

What do the "Lead Me to the Cross" lyrics that we sang on Sunday and the "Carry your cross" verses mean?  They do not mean hope for self-fulfillment.  They do not mean "I feel subconsciously entitled to have my American dream met."  Or even "I desire a husband and expect to have a healthy family w/ as many children as I want, all of whom will outlive me."  So should we not pray for such things?  Is it wrong to hope for them?  Is it wrong to be disappointed when we don't receive them?  Is it wrong to be angry at God when we are disappointed by the loss or lack of them?

If we hope for anything, we risk disappointment.  If it is wrong to be disappointed, then it is wrong to hope.  Well, I don't think it is wrong to feel disappointment.  So I cannot deduce that it is wrong to hope, but I do think we should think twice before we expect anything from the Lord.  Job said, "Should we accept good from the Lord and not trouble?"  No doubt he felt disappointment and even anger, but neither caused his faith to falter.  More over, Paul says, "We can rejoice when we run into problems and trials... for [it] strengthens our confident hope of salvation.  And this hope will not lead to disappointment."  My great hope is in the grace that Jesus' sacrifice gives me for free (even though I do not deserve it.)  But can I rightly hope also for peace, companionship and safety?  I do hope that my son is born healthy with a strong heart, vision, hearing, mental capacity and no allergies. In Scripture, God does not rebuke Abraham for hoping for a son; He answers Hannah's prayer when she pleads for a son: He listens but does not grant David's prayer to save from death his first born son to Bathsheba.  Habakuk is disappointed but at the same time, finds contentment despite his hopes not being met.  Paul calls us to contentment regardless of circumstances.  I suppose contentment does not equal the absence of hope for more.  I suppose that whether or not our hopes are disappointed depends on our deep-rooted perspective.  Do we view life as for us or for God?  If we view it as being for ourselves, when our hopes are not realized, we will be heart-broken and think that we have been wronged by God.  If we view life as being for God, when our hopes are not realized, we will be less tempted to be cynical and will not think God wronged us.

So I have answered myself these questions: Yes, I can hope; Yes, I can pray for what I hope for; Yes, I can be disappointed when I do not receive it; No, I should not let disappointment rule my faith in God.  My friend, Laura, wrote about the root of cynicism (cynicism springs from disappointment) as being "1) pride from thinking we can judge situations as we see them, rather than trusting in the unseen and 2) pride from thinking "the world is just bad" and not remembering that we are bad too, only saved by grace."  Do we presume to understand the mind of God?  Humbling, is it not?  We often pray for what we hope for.  I have observed that we do not always receive what we pray for.  So where is the power of prayer?   Absolutely, there is no power in selfish prayer, but not all unanswered prayers were selfish ones.  I understand that there is God's will and there is free will.  Raw free will seldom aligns with God's will.  I know that God is in control.  He can take full control but only chooses to control to an extent because He has given us free will.  We are all wicked, unfortunately.  Wickedness + free will = a very imperfect world that could plant in us disappointment if we let it. So when I am disappointed, I am hit with the question of "Did God, in his power, choose to do (or not do) this?  Or did God's choice to let free will be exercised by myself and others do this?"  I'd like to explore this more, but I am not ready and this post is too long, so that will be a question for another time.  Feel free to comment. 

A Day at the Orchard

We went with friends from Historic Richmond Town to Battleview Orchard near Monmouth Battlefield.  Our friend Troy, a colleague of Chris' and husband of my former colleague (funny cicle) took some fun pictures of us!  

 

Re: Email to Mrs. Masalin

Momma Maz,

Thank you!  Things are going well. I was saying to ppl at church on Sunday, "Good morning, I hope I don't see you next week!"  This is one of the only times in life it's okay to say that to someone.  haha. 
Last night, Chris and I both slept like rocks, which was good bc the night before that was terrible.  We only slept 2 hrs or so, I think.  I was thinking gosh body just go into labor already then around 2am I thought "No wait.  I haven't slept since 8am.  Body, please don't go into labor until after I have rested."
I keep hoping he'll come early, but my dad said, "Heather, you haven't been early for anything in your life.  What makes you think you'll start now?"  Neither has Chris for that matter, so our offspring will be the worst I am sure...

Love,
The hopefully soon-to-not-be-pregnant lady

Pregnancy Diaries

You know you are 9 months pregnant when you count to yourself "1-2-3" before sliding out of a restaurant booth.  Oh yes.  Counting to get up out of a low car was not strange at month 8, but now- sliding out of a booth!

You know you are 9 months pregnant when you try to time coming home with the groceries with your husbands ETA from work.  And you KNOW you are 9 months pregnant when you call your neighbor and her boyfriend to come help you carry the groceries in bc you underestimated his TA.   Thank you Whitney and Kevin. 

You know you are 9 months pregnant when your husband tries to dance with you but you turn him down.  I absolutely cannot pivot anymore.  The muscles at my leg joints are loose and sore.  Heather has never turned down being spun around.