Today I sat in the trunk of my car (which is big enough to fit two bouldering pads) and stared a bit of Baby's Breath (a little flower that I love- http://aggie-horticulture.tamu.edu/wildseed/19/19.1.html) for a good twenty minutes. If I could climb on the roof, I would have gotten up there, but my car is not as tall as my jeep was and this house's roof is a little steep for my liking. If I can help it, I will never have a house with a roof too steep to lay on so that I can gaze at stars and watch racing clouds or to play a guitar assuming I ever finish learning how to play it. Aside from that, the Baby's Breath was pretty and the thinking was helpful.

So I was cleaning out my ears and I found a sequin in my right one; and identity misplacement

I found a sequin in my right ear today. Anyway, lunch experimentation today was creative. Sandwich: thin slice of honey ham, baby spinach, crisp pair slices, brie cheese on sour dough. I think it would be better on a sweeter bread, but it was pretty good-. the pear was better than just weird. Gala Apple, hard boiled-egg, pineapple orange juice and it filled me up. I signed up for Hip Hop and Latin Dance classes at the rec. exciting. I worked out again today. So I really like it: First the elliptical thingy, then to the mats to stretch every muscle I can think of, do 50 normal crunches, 20 side to sides, and a 20-second leg lift, from there weights followed by a second identical sequence of crunches, walk by the rock wall and talk to Stephanie, locker room, stink in class. I alternate days legs and abs vs. arms and back. Yep. It is funny how when you are treating your body right, it gives you a drive to do it more thoroughly- like getting a water refill instead of grabbing an 80cent Dr. Pepper on class break. working out= eating well. If you do one, then you crave doing the other. Anyway, we will see if this lasts.

Lately, I have been enjoying my cozy clothes wardrobe. Sometimes I'm creative about it, but sometimes I just wear a stinking tshirt and non matching adidas shorts with ballet shoes. It's great. Makeup has been minimal. I feel more confident in myself than I ever have honestly. It is really weird how that works. I could get into a philosphical discussion about it but I have reading today before bed. It's just- since high school, i have put a lot of value, too much value, in how I looked. I don't know if I got it from the media- i didn't read many of those silly girl magazines... or from school friends or what. But my identity was misplaced. Now I feel more secure in how I was made and in what is inside of me instead of my outward appearance. 1 samuel 16:7- "For the Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." Seeing other people in this way is certainly something I am working on; and accepting that I am worth being viewed that way too is another thing I am working on. I don't ever want to go back and I am going to make a careful point to my future daughters (if I have those) and my students in my classroom that they too are more than an object for other people to enjoy looking at (Galatians 1:10 for the Christians) and that their personality and spirituality and gifts and talents and heart totally trump anything that anyone thinks about their outer shell or choice adornment (1 peter 3- do not let your adorning be external... but let your adornment be the hidden person of your heart) and if anyone tells them otherwise, I will advise them to ignore their comments and to not make close friends with that person because that isn't friendship love. You cant be close to someone that you dont care about their opinion/ respect what they think- so if you have to tune out what they say in order to hang out with them, then I wouldn't call that much of a relationship. Perspectives can change though. I pray for that.

My Aunt Karen and Uncle Roger took me to dinner tonight. The company was great- I'm sure they thought I talked too much. I just had a lot to say. I spend a lot of time alone- too much probably. I don't quite feel lonely yet. I will spend all day with wranglers on Saturday though. Will to Love workshop! Oh I'm excited. I'm not working out to look good- I'm working out because I want to be able to up and go and do anything because I am strong with good endurance.

If you want to see some interesting foreign photography, look at http://loretomonsalvec.blogspot.com/

while i cook

So i am having to figure out timing. last time i made pasta, it was with angel hair noodles and those cooked fast and this time it is penne pasta. That takes longer, of course. So my sauteed shrimp is sitting with a pan that is bigger than the pan that it is in on top of it. yes i just used that many i_ words in a row and you might have had to read it twice. So I am watching the penne boil and watching Shaun Groves music videos online. I would be testing out the food network but the architecture of this house is not so fortunately situated. Oh I am subleasing from a nice girl that I do know and living with her two interesting roommates that I dont know. I will get to know them but they both have tall boyfriends that live in town so I dont expect to get much of their attention. and I can't wear whatever i want around the house bcause they are here a lot. that's fine. ou I burned my pinky finger on the pasta that i was testing. eat.

That was pretty darn good. how exciting! I have left overs. I'm drinking some Awake Tea that I found in the Berkeley house while i was cleaning it out. Yep yep. now I am going to read my thrilling reading textbook. I am taking a class about reading. class: 8am-noon and 2:00-4:00 except fridays when the second on does not meet. It's sort of like a job. Speaking of jobs. I think I'm going to go ahead and apply to about 10 more schools. The economy is crazy and districts are 30to60 days behind in hiring. 13/23 of my Social Studies Teaching class do not have jobs and four more are "complicated." It was a little comforting to hear that I am not an outcast.

year old email cut and pasted

Heatherpaige to hooter10 (wayne)
show details 7/20/07 Reply

Lord, who is this man
who steals my thoughts,
teases my dreams,
and treasures me so?
Is my heart gullable and he just coaxing me? He coaxes me certainly but unless coaxing is wrong, do I mind?
I toss the idea of him around in my head
or rather pretend to toss it-- truly I cannot because my heart is most frustratingly constant.
I try to ignore it,
then I try to fight it,
and I can only do the latter.
now fighting does not mean winning and I wonder,
Who do I want to win it?
Him. I hope he wins.
Heather

"What you think about will be what you long for and what you long for will be what you chase after." Ben Stuart

"Hold every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ" 2 Corinthians 10:5

"Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." Matthew 12:34

If you spend your time thinking about the Lord in daily Bible study and godly conversation in fellowship, He is what you will long for-for a relationship and for understanding of His scriptures and of Himself and for discernment of His will for your life-and when He is what you LONG for, really long for, you will chase after Him every chance you get!
On the otherhand, if you spend your time thinking on your jealousy, or the next time you can get drunk, or about how good you look, or how people view you/ your own reputation, or selfish ambition, or about sex or porn, these things you will chase after.

Check out Galatians 5:16-26 and then Ephesians 4:17-24. But dont think about it as longing for or chasing morality. Success in this area is not attained by longing to be righteouss, that is a mere side effect of thinking about/longing for/chasing after Him and a result of grace.

Pray "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-4

cliff jumping, anti-drowning body surf practice, and MOTORCYCLING!

Today I hiked in the rain forest again, this time it rained while we were in there so it was more humid and more cool and the colors just seemed so much brighter. I really like it. We went to Waihamia Bay and cliff jumped off of a 30 foot rock into the blueblue ocean. That was pretty much amazing- did it over and over. Then we body surfed on the biggest waves I have ever been in for about an hour. We'd wait for a big wave (which were frequent), run with it and free style swim just as it broke over us and it would sweep us I don't know how dang many yards up the beach, giving sand abrasions along the way, then sucking us all the way back down to where we were swallowed by the next one. I learned that you have to get your feet under you as fast as you can between waves or else you will be sucked underneath the next one and whirled around in the sand and the salt and other bodies. When that happens, it feels like how the Little Mermaid looked when Ursula first gave her her legs deep under the water and she is fumbling trying to find which way is up and how the heck to get there. Happened to me twice- I was lost and upside down then sideways and sand swirls around me like a wet dust storm, actually, to make another disney comparison it is like Pocahontas when she is singing Colors of the Wind and the wind sweeps through her hair and it is everywhere around and above her head and in her face and full of dirt and leaves and small birds. Like that but I can't sing underwater, especially salt water. At one point, the sand went through my nose and I spat it out of my mouth from the back of my throat, my hair was everywhere and sand is sure to be falling out of it for days, then there is the bathing suit situation- it would awkwardly fill with sand and with the tossing of the wave and my uncontrollable rolling, I couldn't straighten it as soon as I would have liked. This was funny to watch happen to other people and then to sympathize with them laughingly afterward.
We= AmandaP Christi Brandon Blake Greg Stacey Laura Derek Emily. We road Harley motorcycles up there! EWWEEE! Honestly, I would have preferred to have been with my daddy, but the view was just beautiful. Driving the same roads int the little Tracker two days before was not even comparable. One moment will stand out in my memory for the rest of my life. Amanda was on Stacey's soft tail and I was on Greg's fatboy; we were on Highway 63 between two tunnels and after yelling and whooping through the tunnel with our arms spread wide like soaring birds we were launched out on the side of a lush green oddly shaped mountain over looking a dozen other ones like it and a deep valley with the blueblue ocean in the distance. The air was cool and misty on our faces and breathing never felt so good. It triggered all my senses but my taste buds. Selah.

Hawaii II

So yesterday was pretty much amazing here in paradise where mongoose run like squirrels. We rented a little 1996 convertible Geo Tracker for cheap and drove the full circumference of the island of Oahu with half a tank of gas. Amanda P, Steve, and Greg and me- we stuck the boys in the back seat for the first half of the trip because the trip was our idea. first, we hiked through a rainforest to a 200 foot waterfall. yea, we did. Thick, green, lush vegetation, bright flowers, exotic birds, a random bamboo forest along the way, and some GIANT vine-covered trees! Amanda and I climbed several trees- one that was not so tall, was a mass mess of multi-branch madnesss and we hopped around in there as if we were little chipmunks in a bush and dangled for some pictures. Another one had some tight thick vines on it so we acted out a video like we were being hunted by a velosiraptor (which Greg did an excellent impression of) and then we took off running and scampered up the tree fast as we could- quite entertaining. The third tree looked like the one in Furn Gully! If you have not seen Furn Gully, then go rent it now, because it is one of my favorite movies and if you love me, you will watch it. Anyway- It was magnificently tall and covered- like really I mean covered in layers of woody vines. So Amanda and I climbed about 60 feet into it and could see far and wide. I think we got a little more than halfway up it, high enough that my mother would have been panicked that I was climbing without a rope. When we got as high as we wanted, we pretended to be the kids in Jurassic Park when the long neck dinosaur sneezes on the girls face in the tree. It reminded me of that scene. And we considered going and getting the tracker and hoisting it parallel with the tree so that Amanda and I could reenact that scene where they run out of the tree and hit the ground just were the jeep doesn't crush them. But we didn't buy insurance on it, so we decided not to. Coming down, I could shimmy down the vines with my back to the trunk so that if I fell, it wouldn't be a deathly plummet. We were pretty proud of ourselves. Um, next, we visited several beaches, one of which had the clearest blue water I have eva seen. And the waves were bigger than the ones by our commercialized hotel zone so I could body surf a little bit by the shore and the waves would pull me back and forth and make me laugh. Ate fish n chips at a holeinthewall restaurant- which was quite good and had a very intellectual conversation there about a story on the wall. Onward to yet another beach- huge waves. Intimidatingly large. Greg and Steve swam out to an island because they're crazy in the head and I did not get into the water there because i am not as confident in my swimming skills as I am in my climbing skills. (I did enjoy snorkeling, but I'd say that I am a more terrestrial person than a water person). Instead, I played with hermit crabs and sea snails and while I did that, my purse was stolen. We spent the next hour trying to track down "a red honda with a fin" and filing a police report. As Amanda said to cheer me up, "we're playing detective, heather. Come on it's fun." It's a bit of a bummer but I am alright. I finally took some pictures, but my camera was in there along with my phone, wallet, blouse, and sunglasses. It was the rainbow colored Nepal bag. I really liked that bag. Fortunately, I did not have quite everything in my wallet and my keys weren't in there. I had to cancel credit cards though and I hope that they let me on the airplane without my DL. Oh well. So after that, we drove along the coast and watched surfers and found a good spot for cliff diving, but decided to go back monday because the rock was infested with jumpers since it was saturday. We stopped at the Dole plantation where I learned about hawaiian coffee and bought some for me and dad to try. That is Dole, like corporate fruit company Dole. We sampled pine apple and looked out how they are grown- very interesting. Also some cinnamon roasted macadamion nuts, heavenly. The largest maze in the world is there. I had deja vu when I looked at it, I'm certain I had a reoccurring dream of me in there with a gorilla once with I was a kid. We vacuumed the sand out of the car, split BIG crab legs and peeled shrimp, then paid as much to park the darn thing after hours as we did to rent it. We walked up and down the night streets and watched the street performers, gold and silver statue people, break dancers, incredible artists- spray painters, marker caricatures, and the charcoals portraitguy, magicians, musicians, my favorite was the steel drums player and band. It was fun. Since my wallet was stolen, I could not tip anybody, but I watched anyway. (there were only $6 in my wallet- I'm sure the thief was sorely disappointed. So glad my journal wasn't in it). We went to Senor Frogs. It was not as crazy as the one in Cancun, which I have not been to, but we had a lot of fun. I taught some people how to salsa and we push danced all night. today, we hiked to the top of an old volcano (but not dormant) and took some daring jitterbug pictures on the edge of the top. LONG walk, I have gotten my workout for the week I'm sure. Then we performed in the street. Tonight is fancy dinner and I am wearing a long pretty rust colored dress and soft ivory shawl with my Renaissance Festival sandals and orange eyeshadow. I'll feel pretty. Unfortunately, I am still biting my nails, so I can't make those look nice today. They got long, but then I did it again. Tomorrow, we are taking motorcycles up to north shore again. Whoop. Nick with Laura, Amanda with Stacey, and Me with Greg. Greg's been motorcycling for a while so I think we'll be alright. Although he is used to flat Texas roads and here we are on windy mountain roads in an unfamiliar place on an unfamiliar bike... Fortunately, I lost my phone so if mom reads this today, then she can't call me to try to convince me not to go.
I miss him but I'm okay.

on the wall in a holeinthewall hawaii cafe

There was an old story on the wall in a small town fish n chips cafe that taught me quite a bit. SO There was this badger that lived a little ways from a river. He owned two buckets which he would fill with water daily and carry back to his house on a stick across his shoulders, one on each side. Well, one of the buckets had a crack in it and leaked. Everyday when he got to his home, he had one full bucket and one half-full bucket to cook with. The perfect bucket was very proud to be so perfect. But the cracked bucket felt ashamed of his flaw. Well, one day, while they were down by the river, the cracked bucket confessed to the badger, "I am so ashamed of my flaw. Everyday, you come home with only a bucket and a half of water instead of two full ones because of me and I cannot do anything about it." The badger looked down at it and said, "Bucket, have you not seen the flowers that grow along your side of the path to my house and not the other? I knew of your crack, so I planted seeds along your side of the path and everyday, you water them for me as I walk. I gather them to decorate my table while I eat. They are beautiful and bring me joy. This that you perceive as an imperfection is wonderful to me."

Like it? I know that I have some imperfections. They are blessings from God and to God. He delights in my so-called "flaws" whether they are character, mental, physical, or emotional-related etc. And I should be confident in them. Some of them I should work on like timeliness and forgetfulness, although honestly I don't know that I will ever fully master either of those. We should all strive to be self-disciplined, but I need to remain secure in who God made me to be and not feel ashamed of any of my traits or wish to be any different from how I was made. I bet that some of my "inadequacies" are beautiful and purposeful in some way that I will never find out. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be me and am pretty sure that I am more confident and free spirited about myself than some people are. If I were perfect, I would probably be cocky and that would not glorify God in the least bit and it would stand in the way of a lot of wonderful relationships that He has blessed me with. Jeremiah 9:23-25 says [Do not boast in your own abilities,possessions, or accomplishments] 'but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,' declares the LORD.

Hawaii

Look I'm on the internet. We got up at 4am Tuesday morning (after sleeping only 3 hours) to make our flight, which was 8 hours long, and when we got to Hawaii, it was mid afternoon. So we went to bed as soon as the sun went down because we were so tired. Then we woke up at 5am wide awake. So Amanda and I went down and watched the sunrise from the beach. It was lovely and peaceful and nice to make the first foot prints on the shore. Then we went out to Pearl Harbor. I cried there. The museum is really wonderful and we took at boat out to the USS Arizona Memorial. As a future history teacher, it is definitely good for me to have been places like that. I wish I would take pictures. I carried my camera around all day and I never take a darn one. I want to have pictures, it just never crosses my mind to pull it out. Oh we were funny!: we toured this old submarine at the harbor and Amanda, Liz, and I made funny videos inside. The first one I filmed Amanda being the captain onf the phone and were getting fired upon so i made the camera shake terrentially and then liz took off running and dove through one of the metal high doors. I dont how to describe that. it is neat to be in there, but i have absolutely no idea what I am looking at. I think that is okay with me- I doubt there i will ever know much about mechanical anything. I'll let someone else take of those things and I'll keep working on my sewing abilities. Next video: Amanda and I were steering the boyancy wheels and clicking buttons and liz made a loudspeaker noise and said we had a ship on radar. Amanda and I frantically turned the system into the "quiet mode" and and made an engine dying noise in our throats then said "shh, they wont see us. don't make a sound." then liz made a farting noise. We yelled, "oh no! we've been discovered!", scolded liz, and I ran to ready the torpedo launcher. Okay it was funny. I'm the other tourists thought we were pretty wierd. But the little hawaiian employee inside thought we were hilarious. If you're lucky, we'll put it on facebookvideos. anyway, The rest of the day Amanda and I spent collecting shells, investigating coral skeletons, and chasing crabs. There are no seagulls here- just lots of scrawny pigeons and strange mo hawked orange birds that I have taken a liking to. We watched some Hawaiian skim boarders and I really wanted to ask one to let me try- but I didn't. He would run and throw it, and then since the waves are a bit bigger than they are in Galveston, he would ride up on a close breaker and his body would go horizontal before he came back down to his feet. Amanda and I bought some cheap snorkeling equipment yesterday and swam around our beach then almost got hit by two catamarans.
Then today- we went to this amazing bay to snorkel. It is in an old valcano crater of which one side collapsed and filled with water to create a narrow mouthed bay. there is an old hawaiian legend- the way the mountain surrounds it, it looks like a big sleeping lizard from nose and eyes on one point, to a high ridged back, then a narrowing pointed tale to the other point. Apparently a King of old turned himself into the mountain to watch over his daughter who had also turned herself into a mountain to escape a long triangle between her and two renowned warriors. We swam pretty far out into the bay. In some places, the coral was so shallow that you had to suck in your belly to keep from hitting it. In some of those places,there was sea urchin in every crevice and you just had to pray that you didn't scuff one beacuse that would hurt. In other places it was fifty feet deep and the water was the most beautiful blue! I saw so many different kinds of fish I couldn't name them all even if I did know what they were called. purple, orange, yellow, black, blue, with striped and/or pokadotted assortments off varioius shades of all those! I swam up next to three sea turtles!! They were pretty much beautiful.
On land, the vegetation is crazy! Big fat rafiki (sp? lion king) trees covered in twizzler-like ivy. Tomorrow is the free day. Amanda and I are renting a little tracker for "28dolla" and heading to a rainforest to hike. (jurassic park was filimed on this island.) We picked a mountainous area on the map with a high water fall. I'll tell you about it later. She brought a book of hawaiian plants so that we know what we are looking at. We'll drive the full circumferance of Oahu and stop by the north shore where the really big waves come through. The waves are biggest in the winter time but they will still be bigger than Waikiki were we are now. Well, tonight we are roasting a pig on a pike so I need to go get out of this now dry bathing suite and get the salt out of my hair. Smiling.

FFH song "It's a Good Day"

How ever long our feet have walked on this world, we have all lived long enough to know that sometimes life will go our way and other times it wont.
But still I have this joy inside of me. With each new dawn I do believe to say,

"Hey it'a a good day even if things aren't going my way. Jesus is Lord and I am saved so, hey it's a good day."

Circumstance and situations change. You know life can turn on a dime. But there's a constant hope and peace that I have come to find. And it's all because of who God is. And that He is alive and I am His.

So, Hey it's a good day. Even if things aren't going my way. Jesus is Lord and I am saved so hey it's a good day.

We are all as happy as we make ou minds up to be. And I have just decided that nothing's gonna take this joy from me!

Hey- It's a good day.

Life Is Christ. everything else is just living.